Friday, October 12, 2012

Why do you do so much Mom?

About a month ago I was called to teach Sunday School for the 14/15 year olds. When they asked me to be a teacher, I truly did NOT see this one coming. I have never wanted to teach Sunday School. There is this lady in our ward... who teaches Sunday School for the adults. She really can teach. She knows her scriptures and I have always been able to walk away with something from her lessons that I had never thought of before. I use to think... I don't ever want that calling! Because I am not comfortable in front of others in that way. I don't know if she is, but she doesn't look nervous if she isn't. I still don't want her calling and have even told my husband I don't think I could ever say yes to that calling. He just laughs at me.

So when I was asked to become a Sunday teacher, you could say inside I was freaking out! I took a long pause before accepting it. I really was struggling within myself to say yes. I have never ever felt comfortable enough with the scriptures to teach, I mean I had done Primary children... they are no sweat.... easy peasy! But older kids.... TEENS... PRE-ADULTS!!!! That freaked me out.
I even asked several times, to the person asking me to accept this calling, "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT ME? ARE YOU SURE YOUR ALL THINKING RIGHT? ARE YOU SURE CUZ I AM NOT SO SURE!" He tried to keep a straight face, I am sure he knew I was truly struggling with this.

Don't get me wrong.... its not that I don't want to serve the Lord, its just... I don't feel adequate enough to do THIS CALLING.

So... here I am..... still trying to find my nitch... my comfy spot ... my its not a big deal place.... my I can do this place... GET THE PICTURE? I am still trying to find those happy nitchy spots!
Every week I study the lesson... I start on Sunday ... after church and every night till the next Sunday when I am suppose to give the lesson... I am reading the scriptures... planning and preparing.

As I sat here at my desk... for the 3rd time going over my lesson and preparing, one of my daughters asked me, " MOM WHY ARE YOU DOING SO MUCH?" my response, " I am suppose to... aren't I?" She says, " I guess, but none of the other teachers really prepare or even know the material... they just teach as they go."
So for a moment, I FREAKED... is that what I am suppose to do? NOT REALLY PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT INTO IT? NOT KNOW IT LIKE I HAVE TRIED TO KNOW IT SO I DON'T MISLEAD OR MIS GUIDE? REALLY? *true thoughts and freaking moment *
Then my daughter says, " Mom, your a really good teacher."

Can you imagine my JOY? my daughter who is in my class... said that to me? I just haven't felt that I am a good teacher yet. I haven't felt like my lessons are interesting or even fun. I haven't felt like I have left any important impressions or meaningful thoughts to the kids like the LORD would want me to do.... and even though my daughter is a little biased, it felt so good to hear what she said. COMFORTING really!

I don't expect the kids to tell me that they liked the lesson or that they enjoy coming to my class. I figure the ones who choose to be there are pretty much there because I bring incentives to participate. But I have really been struggling with feeling like they called the right person to this calling since I got it. I almost am in tears on Sundays after each lesson to my husband saying, "I REALLY THINK THEY CALLED THE WRONG PERSON!"

I know that I have never studied the scriptures in the way I am for these lessons. That is probably why I was called. God is trying to teach me how to study or something. So here I am... preparing again for another week. This week I feel like I have made it a little more interesting than any other so far... Like the kids would come in and if I didn't bring any goodies might want to stay of their own free will and actually enjoy the class. Who knows, I might be a little off my rocker! LOL ... anyhow.... these are the thoughts that I needed or wanted to share.... :)

one last thing .... I have found that I am more interested in what my children are learning at church. I have asked before, " WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY AT CHURCH?" but I don't think I have ever gotten so involved to discuss it with the older children in such great depth. And the best part is... if their teacher wasn't able to finish the lesson, I AM ABLE TO! :) That is something I have never been able to do and can see great blessings from. I never thought that being a teacher would help me become a better parent. :)

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