Friday, October 12, 2012

A New Journey

So one of my closest friends of 18 years literally just left Idaho. I feel a little lost at the moment, highly emotional and sad. I know that she is being driven to where she is going next, literally driven if not pushed! I know she really has exhausted all possibilities to stay as long as she could. I don't do CHANGE well or easily. I really struggle.
So I want to run and go eat something or drink something that I usually find great comfort in whenever life isn't going my way... or I am hurting. BUT..... I can't.
I have the desire to get healthy. A deep desire. I am thinking and hoping its a stronger desire that it can over come this temptation to do the other bad habit. I have started my own little new journey just recently. It has taken me longer than most to get where I am today. Some people, they can do this new lifestyle eating and exercises with ease. They make a plan and just do it. For me, it has taken a couple weeks to get the hang of the food, then I added exercise. I am still not doing what I need to exactly but I am getting there. I am excited to say that I have pushed myself. Todd and I have been going to the y to swim laps for 30 minutes. I have never had swimming lessons in my life. I am probably the funniest person to watch swim, but I haven't let that stop me. In fact the life guards are so sympathetic *or worried* that they have taken time to help give me pointers. I am now able to swim a lap while putting my face in the water and coming up for air on the side like real swimmers, how ever, sometimes I still gasp and have to keep my head up a little longer to catch my breath but I keep going and then I put it back in the water when I am ready. Sometimes I even inhale water... that isn't fun either. The point is I am doing something I never thought I could do... and it hasn't been easy. I am embarrassed to get in and try every time I do. I feel the eyes watching me, I feel like people are snickering. But I don't want that to stop me. My husband said he was really impressed because I am almost passing him up and when he needs to stop I am still going. :)
Its been good for us to do together. Working out has bonded us more... we have a goal to shoot for together :) So nice to not do it alone.
I am struggling with the new foods... not that they are bad but I am not as full as long or sometimes its satisfied. Sometimes I just want sugar or something sweet or something not so good for me. So here I am.... tears going down my face because one of my best friends just left and I know she isn't coming back. I know it. I almost feel like singing TILL WE MEET AGAIN. We are both NOT in any position to go back and forth and see each other as much as we like to dream we can. It may be years before I see her again. That is so sad to me. No one has gotten me the way she has.... and I can do and say things to her that I can't anyone else. She gets me. I am thankful for Internet, texting and phones but it won't be the same....
So I started to write because that little devil showed up on my left shoulder... saying, "GO GET..... yada yada" *basically right now a frozen hot chocolate is what I was thinking about... and I have the good angel on my right saying... NO DON'T ! You have worked too hard to do this... it won't change anything... it won't keep your friend here or make the pain any easier!!!
I have always told my children GOOD always wins over EVIL... so that has to be out come here. I am going to go work out instead... drink some water and hope that the temptation goes away. I might have a good cry too but at the end of that cry and work out I think I will feel better.
On with the journey.... here we go.... bye Tam!

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