Monday, May 20, 2013

Lighting a Candle from within

 I had an interesting dream last night.... very interesting. I dreampt about  a candle. I was somewhere... not really sure where... and someone was telling me that my brother *who has been inactive for a while and I have worried about* has lit his own candle. I think that means he is activated again :)  and I have been worried about a certain youth in my Sunday class.... and I have felt prompted to do something very creative to reach this youth.... and I have prayed for this youth and about this youth... and in this dream I dreampt lastnight... it talked about each of us have our own candle but in order to light it at the top it has to be lit inside.  I then saw a finger that pointed and it was like I could see inside the candle and it touched the inside of the candle that was dark and it lit... and the person talking to me.. I HAVE NO CLUE WHO IT WAS.... said that the candle is dark inside and has to be lit from within. Then I woke up.

I told Todd my husband about this dream.... he said I was dreaming in parables... My son in law started to share with me stories out of the Bible that I have not yet read * I have never read the Bible all the way thru... I struggle with understanding it all*   and he thought my dream was neat too.

I think it means I have to touch this youth.... and teach them on a level they understand how to light their own candle.  I am going to try to come up with some neat candle example for them.   From the simple acts of just starting to pray, read scriptures and then building their testimony.   I hope I can do this. I know I am meant to help this special someone. I know in my youth...a leader helped me.... I WANT TO BE THAT FOR THIS YOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONTINUED.... I went shopping this morning and still thinking heavy on all of this the thought came to me that I should make a QUEST for all the kids to do ... and I come home ask my Son in Law if he can help but he is just clueless as well.... as I sat and thought some more ideas started to come to me and then this one...... HAVE THE PERSON I AM CONCERNED ABOUT INVOLVED making this game with me.... drawing logo's you name it.... :)  I think I have found his center bottom of the candle :) I AM SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is always a day where I take a break..... Which I am sure most Moms don't.  But I do. I expect a day where Dad does it all. I want a day off.... no making decisions, no taking over, no dinner to make....
I expect breakfast served to me.... and Dinner.   I hope that I get cards *handmade ones are great* and I hope that they will show me they love me by doing something I love, brush my hair, rub lotion on me. :)  The two things I really enjoy that doesn't cost a dime :) Just a little time :)

Yesterday was a good Mother's Day. I got flowers *white Roses* I got cards *3, ONE HUGE ONE from Virginia and Ryan, One from my honey and one from the kids* I got good and plenty *one of my favorite candies* and I got my own soda * I am kinda a fan of Coke*     The kids took turns thru out the day to brush my hair... and sit next to me and cuddle. I just watched what I wanted on t.v. and took it easy.  I wasn't well yesterday... so they went to church without me. I will say.... IT WAS NICE TO HEAR QUIET FOR SO LONG :) 3 HOURS OF QUIET!  I heard many of my own thoughts *that doesn't happen often enough*  It was nice....

As I had time to myself I saw that my house is yet again... out of order. We have too much clutter, too many things. I am going to get rid of stuff. I am done holding on to stuff because someone gave it to me or it was passed down. It is time to have less, because to me... LESS IS MORE! Less to clean and less to make a mess :)

Yesterday Todd wrote me a text saying he feels like something is gonna happen with us... he doesn't know what... change of some sort. I have felt this since we went to Rexburg. I think we will be let go from his job and have to start over. It seems like everyone our age that we know is doing that, I guess I feel like we are suppose to get caught up on that wagon too. He isn't happy with his job and to me... that isn't ok.  I want him to have a job where he is happy and even home more :)

 I would love land... where my kids could run and explore and do.... work even.

Anyhow... yesterday I had all sorts of time to dream and think. It was really so nice. 

When your so busy, as we have been, so caught up in doing and going all the time... it really helps to have a moment of silence... to think and to ponder things... how things are going and what is going on. What should be changed and what can be better.  I love these moments of clarity.  How can we get so caught up so easily? Loose track of what really matters? Which is what we are doing all the time.... running and going and doing all the time..its for what matters most, our children but I think we are loosing sight of really important things... or they are getting put on the side lines. I don't want to just run and go ... I want to enjoy the journey. This is difficult with so many children.

My husband was talking about things he did as a child and why are we not doing that with our children this morning. I reminded him... there was a total fo 4 in his family.. .there are a total of 13 right now with ours. That is like having a party every night. Crazy!

 Ryan made dinner, the kids and hubby did dishes :) It was just a great night :) Hubby put the kids down to bed for me :)    I finished watching Blast from the past and enjoyed the night :)   I went to bed and it really was a nice day... and night just relaxing.... SO SO SO NICE! 

But today...its back to being MOM..... and doing it all again... trying to find new ways to fix this or that and to make our lives even better :) So here I go :) I am thankful for my family... For the love they show me, for the respect and honor they show me... for how they take care of me and make me feel special :) I am so blessed!

My list of changes the kids have made and my new focus...

 I have smart friends..... they all love me and they love me so much they tell me like it is and how they think it...just like I say it like it is and how I think it. :)

Someone told me to stop focusing on what use to be.... to focus on what it is now and to FIND JOY in that...

So I thought.... GOOD ADVICE!  At times... its so draining... and exhausting... and more than not, I find myself on my knees crying to the Lord BEGGING for help, insight and direction on what to do to help my children.  *that sounds like every other mother right? *

So I thought I would list what changes that have happened to our family for the better. Stop going on about all the stuff I am unable to fix and frustrated over right at this moment. *COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS...yeah SOUNDS FAMILIAR*

1. My older children have learned parenting skills I would of not been able to teach them. *who knows, maybe some day they will adopt and need to know this stuff.... maybe they will have a child with learning disabilities or struggles.*

2. This has taught our family to come together even more.... it has literally taken all of us... My husband and I ... and our first five children to help these children. DO YOU KNOW OF ANY OTHER WAY THAT COULD BRING A FAMILY TOGETHER TO WORK SO HARD AS A TEAM? I am sure there are other easier ones, but for this task.... these challenges I think its making us better people!

3. It has given us all compassion. We see them act out or hurt and we tell ourselves... THEY ARE HURTING or NEED SOMETHING.. instead of ... THEY ARE HORRIBLE BRATS!!!!!! And we try to find creative ways .. *LIKE CHRISTLIKE* to help them. *what better parental skills could I give my older children and myself?!*

4.I have come to rely on the Lord a lot more than ever in my parenting and dealings from day to day. I have never talked to him so much in my entire life. Pretty sad its taken this to get me there. But I know he hears me and answers me... sometimes IMMIDATIELY

5. I have taken a child who has seen animal cruelity   and participated in it... who was NOT to be trusted around animals and now... has chores to love on them, brush them, feed them and take care of them. He truly loves them and has told me never wants to hurt one again. :) How my heart fills with joy on that!

6. We have been more faithful in FHE since getting these children because I feel they truly do need all the lessons in life we can give them.  Which has blessed our family for coming together weekly has been special and great quality time. They all look forward to it :) They all take turns teaching :)

7. My Jesse hated Jesus when he came to us... now he loves him .... WHAT A CHANGE A HEART IN THAT ONE ALONE! HUGE!

8.My little children didn't sleep through the night... THEY ALL THREE SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT NOW...It would take Jesse 4 to 5 hours to get to sleep.... Now its only minutes :)

9. Jesse was on a lot of horrible medicines... now he is on very little  :)

10. Bella was afraid of my husband.  All people actually coming in her room or near her bed... Today she comes to us, cuddles in the morning... especially loves hugs from Daddy and is no longer afraid of someone coming in to hurt her!

11. Jesse is speaking better. We could hardly understand him when he came to us. Now .. no problem

12. My birth son Jaden... he was the baby.. he was spoiled... he didn't really enjoy being responsible. Now he is a big brother! He is so responsible. It took him a good year to adjust.... but now he takes on helping and caring for the kids. He loves babysitting them and even takes time to encourage Jesse to be good and will play with him if he is.  I am so proud of the changes in him that I have seen.

13.These children came to me unattached and scared, afraid of MONSTERS and too many other things. We have been able to settle and calm their fears. We have taught them there are no monsters and they understand that! :)  They have learned that the blue people on avatar are NOT REAL and that movies are make believe :)

14. My children didn't like to hug.... now they love cuddles.

15. Jesse had so much more anger in him. IT was his first response to everything... now he cries or has more acceptable responses to things. He still has moments of anger but his outburst have gotten so much better.

. There is still a lot of learning to do... even though at times its so hard, in the end we are being blessed whether at that moment we realize it or not. I am thankful for that.