Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Second Coming...

 When I was  a child... I pictured the second coming all happening at once... the wars and rumors of wars... the earth quakes/floods/tornados... etc.  I also use to think that the Prophet would get up one day and say ITS TIME... PACK YOUR STUFF AND GO!

But now... I don't. I feel that its all really happening right before our eyes...but because its not happening all over at once.... maybe others are not recognizing it. Because the Prophet isn't saying ITS TIME in so many words... that others are not hearing it.....

The tsunamis, the floods, the fires.... the earth quakes... the tornado's... THE WINTER STORM that is so bad that they have NO SALT to help the people back east.....  This is what the scriptures are talking about. The soon to be civil war want to be in Russia...  all of it......  People just sluff it off...its just a storm... or its just a earth quake...   or oh how horrible for them... but to me.. I see one big spider web.... all of this will eventually affect us all. The food..... the land... the farmers....  everything..... 

The Prophet stopped a long time ago telling us to get food storage.... people were warned and they still did nothing so why beat your head up against a wall. I don't want my children to go hungry or my family... .or my neighbors and their children.....   I don't want to be that GRASSHOPPER who plays all day... I want to be the ANT!~ Who works, prepares and does what he should.

There has been a conference that said... its time.. TO SHARE OUR TESTIMONIES everywhere...a HASTENING!  To me that says.. HURRY  HASTEN... HURRY we have a short time left....  

The government is worsening and I don't see it getting better. I see it failing completely.  It is scary. This gun rights thing.... scary....  I think we need our guns to protect ourselves.... The bad guys will always find a way to get guns....

there is so much on my mind..... I feel there are many distractions in this life... So many. I go into a store and it is full from top to bottom OF THINGS... everywhere.... things I would even enjoy but its a distraction... What do I NEED? What does my family NEED? That is what I should buying not things I WANT!  Things that I will eventually have to dust often or store somewhere or resell at a garage sell.  THINGS...they don't matter.... FOOD... WATER.... being healthy.... that matters..... having what we need!  

I just had to write my thoughts... I think the second coming is around the corner. I think it really is.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Missing my Grandbaby!

 Today I am missing the sounds of my grandbaby. Her smile... her giggles... even her cries.. I miss my daughter Virginia.... but I am so happy for her. They are all finally getting on their feet... doing what they need to..having their own little family and life.   It hurts a little... at the same time.... its such a bitter sweet thing.... Your whole life is your children... all that you do... and every day why you wake up. Then one day they leave and its suppose to happen but you miss being apart of their life.  Soon Kalene and Kyle will leave.... them having jobs and not being here during the day will probably help me with the switch.... when they move out...but they are leaving one by one..... and I am happy for them all.... and I am sad for me.... because I am kinda lost.  I have still have children at home to raise and be busy with but there is something missing... its the other children who are now all grown up.  

I remember being young.... starting out in life... the excitement...the dreaming we did... Oh the window shopping and planning for the future.... and now Todd and I are in a weird place.... we are thining retirement.  *A SCARY STAGE I WILL ADMIT*  Scary because.... it means closer to the end. I have seen my life go by so fast already. I know its flying.... and I am truly trying to treasure up every moment.... be IN THE MOMENT! The more I get older, the more I am learning this.

I am learning to allow my little children to touch things they were never allowed to touch as infants... and it kinda feels like I am raising them under GRANDMA style because most new mommies are like "Don't touch this or that..." and I am like.... "ITS OK :) " and its different. I am enjoying watching them explore the world around them. Its so very different being a grandma.   I am a lot less strict with my youngest than I was with my first five. Its so interesting to think about.

My mom is getting older... .I don't know how long I have with her but I treasure every phone call and minute I have had with her. I just love her so much! She is one of my very best friends.

Friends.... I have gotten in this rut... where I am not making time for friends. Its probably not good.  I just like my routine... and the quiet.... and I am to this point where I don't want to entertain. This is probably really bad...everyone needs friends. I just don't feel so close to too many people.

I think I need to start a routine that is good. I was thinking of getting our family into a MUSIC HOUR :) And having music playing or them learning something.... and I have thought about a family walk at night now that its not FREEZING! I even thought I would do it during the day with my Ellie.   I need to get back to excercising... then divide my time with chores, and crafts.  Then the rest of my time is family. 

Anyhow... I am missing my ZOEY! She is just so precious! I love her. I have been so blessed to see her thru her first year... she took her first steps with me... she said some of her first words with me... she crawled with me... and she broke her first teeth with me.  I love that! I am so thankful for my little namesake! She is precious! I can't wait for more :)

Saturday, February 8, 2014

A Baptism!

Today is the Day! Jesse gets baptized! I am so excited for him! He is so excited he dressed and we have 2 hours to go. His smile says it all! I am so excited.          This is Jesse right before. He was so excited... and then the guys all disappeared and I went looking for them and found them in their suits shoveling driveways for the neighbors :) So great!


It was a wonderful day! One I hope Jesse will never forget. I won't. I couldn't stop crying. We literally have brought him out of the darkness and into the light! I am so thankful he is mine, he is healing and that we have been given the opportunity to love such a special little man! :) He will do great things! He is destined for greatness!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

letting go

I found this quote... in a book off a friends blog. Not sure who the author is...just it said so much to me....      "Because in the end you can't always choose what to keep, you can only choose how you let it go."
 Right now I am using this with many things.... with things I need to get rid of that I have had since a little girl.... family things... that I don't usually look at a lot or even use but I can't just trash it or get rid of it so I am passing it on to my brother and children NOW!!!!!

And I also look at this like my children who are married.  I can't choose to keep things the way they were before they got married because EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! no matter what I have tried to do .... they have a partner now... someone they are turning to and its hard because I don't feel as needed and I am not sure still where my place is in their lives.  Is it just to be the babysitter over their children?  Or do they want a relationship with me?   My newly married daughter has become seriously private and they live with us right now, just temporary and its just as if they are the only two people in the world that exist. I try to ask how they are and make conversation but it ends quickly because they are not invested or so it feels this way. Which is ok...they are newly married right now its all about them in their little world. I just worry... after how things have gone down with my first daughter and her husband... will things be like this with all of my children? so when I saw this quote I felt it.... I just have to let go and hope for the best... take what I get.... and do great things with whatever that is.... and hope for the best. Its just  hard.

I saw this picture in this one house... it was so beautifully done. Everyone was dressed in all white. Very heavenly... and the children were all sitting and looking at the parents  and the parents were facing the children. I thought... "I WANT A PICTURE LIKE THAT" it just seemed so beautiful to me. Something out of the scriptures...but then reality hit and I don't think my oldest and her husband would want to be apart of a picture like that. So.... that won't be happening. But it was a beautiful picture.... and something in side me worried that it will never be like that.... I feel my children are better than I am.... seems at everything...f rom talents to being good Christians. I am glad... I want that. I want them to make better choices than I did and have less heart ache. I want them to succeed in life.... but I don't want to be looked down upon and I don't feel I have that respect that I gave my parents and naturally still feel towards them. I don't feel I have that from my children. Its an interesting feeling... not insecurity.... it is a reality at least to me.  And I don't know where I have gone wrong. 

Jesse is doing better with his med changes. WE are taking him off concerta and giving him stratterra and it seems to be doing well :) He is sleeping.... I have to keep telling myself that his bad behavior moments are not from lack of medicine...that I have to teach him. There is no pill to teach a child how to behave..... wouldn't it be nice though... he is just different on the concerta. I think he is better without it...still waiting to find out. I hope it all works.... I want him to be on less medicines that are stimulants... and more natural things.  

Well I will end this...just thoughts that have creeped inside me today... that I have to let go and sometimes its the only way I know how to get them gone is to write.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Changes.... and refining :)

 Every day I am seeing changes put before me ... in order for me to do the things the Lord needs and wants me to do.  When I am faithful and heed to the promptings its all amazing to me.  I recognized that I have been prepared since Dec 21st.... when I was given a special dream which I did write about here.... in this dream it showed me sharing my testimony of ADOPTION and the need for children to have families.  Saturday morning I woke up early and felt the need to share my testimony and so I did it here and face book. I thought it was enough.... but come Sunday during Sacrament the spirit was so strong. It prompted me to share my testimony in church. I fought it.. I didn't want to... nervous and what not...  But I did... everyone was very quiet. Several people had tears in their eyes. I can't even recall all that I said. But I know every word I said felt so powerful to me and my testimony was shared with strength and conviction. Many people came up to me and told me that they enjoyed my testimony and thanked me. That is always nice to hear.  But I didn't do it for that.... then this one lady I do not know came up to me and handed me a letter. In it was the sweetest letter and request.   She told me how my heartfelt testimony touched her and that she knew I must share it with her daughter who can not have children.  She gave me her phone number but I felt weird calling her.  So my husband encouraged me to go to her house last night. Which we did.  I was so nervous and worried we were interrupting their evening. But I was acting on what I feel is a new call from God to me.  So they welcomed us into their home and we got acquainted. They are very nice people and she told me all about her children and her daughter. We talked for a long time. I told her about us and how we came to adopt. She just got more excited hearing our story with tears in her eyes. She told me I must meet her daughter when she comes to visit in may and share with her everything I had shared with them. I agreed. She gave me a picture of her daughter  and we left. 

This direction of helping others consider adoption and completing eternal families is very interesting to me. A little scary. I am not sure what I am to say... I am trying to go by the spirit and wait for it to instruct me. I would like to think that this is a great call from God and I am worthy to do it. But I feel so inadequate and maybe I am putting too much into this like its not that important. I just know with all that I am ... the dream was a prep for me... to tell me this will happen. I will have to share what I know about adoption with others. My convictions and why I would do it all over again. I will have to share all the things I have learned on this journey and why Heavenly Father needs more children adopted and sealed to families.   I do know that children without a family are lost... They have no where to call home. I do compare it to the gospel. People without are lost. Without faith.... without knowing their savior Jesus Christ are lost.... they are unhappy and the two really do go hand in hand with one another. The Gospel of Jesus Christ.... trying to be like him can and will heal others... Children and adults alike.  These are things I know... and these are the things I will share. I just hope when I do... I can do it the way the Lord wants/needs me to... with the spirit with me so that others feel what I say to be true :)

Saturday, February 1, 2014

My thoughts as I woke up.

I woke up this morning needing to bare my testimony of the things I have seen come about in my life. Things I can never deny and things that have been nothing short of a miracle. When I say miracle, I hold these little miracles that I have been blessed to witness and be apart of... to the value of a huge miracle that some would consider miracles, as in raising of the dead or healing the lame.  I testify that miracles do happen today on this earth for I have seen many of them happen within that last three years of my life and I know I have seen more but this is what I know I am to share at this time.

Brothers and sisters, the GOSPEL of JESUS CHRIST is restored and here today for our prosperity's joy and our joy! Everyone of us struggle daily with some trial in our life. Everyone of us are looking for answers in our life at different times for different things and the answers are here in the gospel. The principles and gospel of Jesus Christ are true and they bring us joy when we are living accordingly.  The gospel has HEALING in it. It can heal us from any wound, be it physical, spiritual or emotional and I have seen it and witness to it. I could never deny it! 

Three years ago the Lord once again took me by my hand and showed me that HIS PLAN was better than MY PLAN. That HE knew all and that if I just took that leap of faith that all would be well. Three years ago I knew through personal revelation and spiritual growth that I would adopt a boy and a girl... what I didn't know was I would adopt a boy and TWO little girls. The Lord had opened up my heart and prepared me, but oh I still had so much growing to do.   When our children came to us... it was such a blessing to be able to go into the house of the Lord *THE TEMPLE* and fast and pray over these children. The answer was so clear... YES THESE ARE YOUR CHILDREN AND THEY ARE THE ONES TO COMPLETE YOUR FAMILY! There was no doubt.  To have that blessing of NO DOUBT at that moment... that surety... what a gift!

I testify to you that angels are on this earth! They come as people... you and I!  I have 8 very special angels in my life that have been apart of some amazing miracles, if not the cause of many of them.  I am talking about my amazing 5 older children and husband. Who all are great examples to me and to these 3 children of what SACRAFICE and CHRIST LIKE LOVE IS!!!!!  I am talking about my mother and father who have been amazing and loving grandparents who have openly accepted these children as mine from the start.  My five older children have been patient, they have sacrificed much for us to be able to adopt them. They have given of their love freely and their time. They have been a huge example of how to act, speak and the things that these little children should do.  I am so very thankful for them all.  I know that my little children would not be as HEALED as they are if it weren't for these amazing siblings in their life, their Father and grandparents!

To know where my adopted children came from. To know where they have been and to see where they are now. ITS A MIRACLE! Next week my son gets baptized. He has come so far and healed so much. I testify that there is HEALING IN THIS GOSPEL!!!!!!!!! THAT ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST AND WITH CHRIST! I have seen in it in our family! 

I am so very thankful for ETERNAL FAMILIES!  Do you know how many children are homeless, parentless, family-less? Who are searching and lost and have nothing, especially because they don't have the GOSPEL in their life.  It breaks my heart and how I wish I had the energy and means to adopt more and to bring more into our eternal family.  That one precious gift from our Lord has done more healing with my little children than almost anything. TO KNOW THEY HAVE SOMEONE THAT WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONAL! TO HAVE A FAMILY NAME! TO HAVE A PLACE TO CALL HOME! TO HAVE SOMEONE TO VISIT DURING THE HOLIDAYS! What a priceless gift! 

This Eternal plan that our Heavenly Father has given us... its beautiful! I am so thankful for it.  I could never deny it. I testify to it. That he wants us all to be ETERNAL! He wants us all to be sealed to one another in this lifetime and the lifetime to come.  It is apart of HIS PLAN!

There is much hope, healing and joy in the scriptures... in the gospel!!!!   We were meant to live joyful lives with hope and with all the blessing from our Heavenly Father that he has in store for us.

My son is going to be baptized next week. He wants this. He loves Jesus Christ and he loves church. He goes to church every Sunday because he WANTS TO. He looks forward to it. He feels only more loved there.... He feels great peace there and he knows that this is where God wants him to be. He talks about going on a mission. MY SON, THE ONE WHO CAME TO ME THROWING TANTRUMS FOR SAYING A PRAYER OR TALKING ABOUT JESUS....  Who was so lost.... so hurt and so angry at such a young age *for good reasons*  MY SON is going to do GREAT THINGS! BECOME A GREAT LEADER, because I already see him as one... and He is going to continue healing and growing in every wonderful way, spiritually, emotionally and physically.   ALL OF THIS WAS AND IS POSSIBLE BECAUSE OF THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST, for that is what lead me when I was lost on how to reach him or help him. For that was my book that I used or manual.

I think about the big picture...  all the possibilities my children have now because we gave them something so simple.... a family. AN ETERNAL FAMILY, which can only happen in the TEMPLE, the HOUSE OF THE LORD.  It all started there...  I am so very thankful for this gospel. For all it has taught me and for all that I try to teach my children. I am so very thankful that my Heavenly Father knows me better than I do and has a better plan in store for me and for my family, one better than I thought I had....  I am so thankful for all the faith growing experiences I have been blessed to have and I testify to each one of them... I know God lives, I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and I am so thankful for all that he endured so that I might return to live with him again, with my eternal family by my side. I am so thankful that Joseph Smith had the faith and courage to go and find the golden plates and then restore them for us these latter days. I am so very thankful for the Gospel and all the principles it teaches us... that our church is set up like it was when Jesus Christ was a live with a living prophet and apostles. With people giving freely of their time and talents to build up the Kingdom of God... all that they do, all that WE DO is for HIM!  I am thankful for personal revelation and know that we are not left here alone to deal with anything that comes our way. That God has sent us angels ... seen and unseen from both sides of the veil to help us in our time of need.  I am thankful for all of my children. For their example to me and strength. They endure things in their youth I never did and they are strong and brave. They are Christ like and I am thankful to call them mine, for eternity!~

I am thankful for the Priesthood and the power and healing gifts that we have through it!  I am very thankful that my husband and sons hold this priesthood and carry it honorably!  Everything that is good and right in my life at this very moment is because of the Gospel and my Savior.   Everything that I struggle with is going to be ok because of the same reason.  Every day I am taught something new and brought to greater faith and understanding of HIS PLAN for ME!  My heart is over joyed and words can not express the gratitude or feelings for it all, all these amazing and beautiful blessings.  

I just had to share the thoughts that were running through my mind this morning as I woke up.... I testify to all that I have said is true.