Why do you do so much Mom?

About a month ago I was called to teach Sunday School for the 14/15 year olds. When they asked me to be a teacher, I truly did NOT see this one coming. I have never wanted to teach Sunday School. There is this lady in our ward... who teaches Sunday School for the adults. She really can teach. She knows her scriptures and I have always been able to walk away with something from her lessons that I had never thought of before. I use to think... I don't ever want that calling! Because I am not comfortable in front of others in that way. I don't know if she is, but she doesn't look nervous if she isn't. I still don't want her calling and have even told my husband I don't think I could ever say yes to that calling. He just laughs at me.

So when I was asked to become a Sunday teacher, you could say inside I was freaking out! I took a long pause before accepting it. I really was struggling within myself to say yes. I have never ever felt comfortable enough with the scriptures to teach, I mean I had done Primary children... they are no sweat.... easy peasy! But older kids.... TEENS... PRE-ADULTS!!!! That freaked me out.
I even asked several times, to the person asking me to accept this calling, "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT ME? ARE YOU SURE YOUR ALL THINKING RIGHT? ARE YOU SURE CUZ I AM NOT SO SURE!" He tried to keep a straight face, I am sure he knew I was truly struggling with this.

Don't get me wrong.... its not that I don't want to serve the Lord, its just... I don't feel adequate enough to do THIS CALLING.

So... here I am..... still trying to find my nitch... my comfy spot ... my its not a big deal place.... my I can do this place... GET THE PICTURE? I am still trying to find those happy nitchy spots!
Every week I study the lesson... I start on Sunday ... after church and every night till the next Sunday when I am suppose to give the lesson... I am reading the scriptures... planning and preparing.

As I sat here at my desk... for the 3rd time going over my lesson and preparing, one of my daughters asked me, " MOM WHY ARE YOU DOING SO MUCH?" my response, " I am suppose to... aren't I?" She says, " I guess, but none of the other teachers really prepare or even know the material... they just teach as they go."
So for a moment, I FREAKED... is that what I am suppose to do? NOT REALLY PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT INTO IT? NOT KNOW IT LIKE I HAVE TRIED TO KNOW IT SO I DON'T MISLEAD OR MIS GUIDE? REALLY? *true thoughts and freaking moment *
Then my daughter says, " Mom, your a really good teacher."

Can you imagine my JOY? my daughter who is in my class... said that to me? I just haven't felt that I am a good teacher yet. I haven't felt like my lessons are interesting or even fun. I haven't felt like I have left any important impressions or meaningful thoughts to the kids like the LORD would want me to do.... and even though my daughter is a little biased, it felt so good to hear what she said. COMFORTING really!

I don't expect the kids to tell me that they liked the lesson or that they enjoy coming to my class. I figure the ones who choose to be there are pretty much there because I bring incentives to participate. But I have really been struggling with feeling like they called the right person to this calling since I got it. I almost am in tears on Sundays after each lesson to my husband saying, "I REALLY THINK THEY CALLED THE WRONG PERSON!"

I know that I have never studied the scriptures in the way I am for these lessons. That is probably why I was called. God is trying to teach me how to study or something. So here I am... preparing again for another week. This week I feel like I have made it a little more interesting than any other so far... Like the kids would come in and if I didn't bring any goodies might want to stay of their own free will and actually enjoy the class. Who knows, I might be a little off my rocker! LOL ... anyhow.... these are the thoughts that I needed or wanted to share.... :)


one last thing .... I have found that I am more interested in what my children are learning at church. I have asked before, " WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY AT CHURCH?" but I don't think I have ever gotten so involved to discuss it with the older children in such great depth. And the best part is... if their teacher wasn't able to finish the lesson, I AM ABLE TO! :) That is something I have never been able to do and can see great blessings from. I never thought that being a teacher would help me become a better parent. :)

I'm trying to be like Jesus

Every morning, my daily life starts at 5:30 am..... first with my husband, who wakes up and usually needs to talk & cuddle. You know, starting His day off to a great start which I usually am unable to go back to sleep until he leaves at 6 :30.... then I have two options.... I can lay in bed for my moment of peace and quiet or I can get up and come down stairs until the children wake up one by one at 7 if not sooner. The thing is.... as soon as I come down stairs, my immediate responsibilities are the animals... *as if I lived on a farm* The dogs need to go out.... the birds hear me and start to sing, the parrot wants out of his cage to be loved on. So I usually stay in bed until I absolutely have to get out of it. *please don't get me wrong, I love my family and my life, but I have realized that taking care of everyone, healing them, caring for them, having the constant of people in need of me and animals has led me to believe that something has to change in order for me to make changes in my life that I want to see come about, that I feel need to come about*

I had the great blessing of getting away for a quick trip to see my oldest daughter this weekend. I was so excited to be able to sleep in.... I had the opportunity for sure...but NO... my body is on a self alarm thing I guess, because at 5:30 I was awake...then I fell back to sleep till 7 and then it was pointless to lay there. All I wanted was to be able to sleep in, just once and my own body said, " NOPE!"

I have found lately that I want some changes for myself. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally! I want to change for the better. I want to be more Christ-like. Have more of his personality instilled within my very soul. On my trip, while driving, many impressions came to me on how I could go about this.

First, I must find that quiet place... that peace every day even if it means I must wake up at 4:30 to do it! I really think that it’s important. Second, I need to make personal goals for myself that are realistic and attainable and third, I need to just be as thankful as possible for every little blessing that comes my way... change my attitude and perspective. I need to be content and I want to recognize every little blessings as little miracles in my life. Really devote my life to my Heavenly Father. Who wants me to devote my life to my family as well :)

So here I am thinking of what Christ-like values I really want to become. I love the above picture. It reminds me that Jesus is always here for me, waiting ever so patiently for me to just open the door and let him to take over. Sometimes, I forget that big picture.

So let’s start with my goals.... yes, I am sharing them here with EVERYONE in the world because my children need to see that I too need to do this in my life to become a better person.

Physical goals

1. I just want to become more active. If I loose weight and get tone then that is a blessing. I don't want the stress of loosing weight. I just want to change my lifestyle and become more physical in my daily life.

How I plan on doing that:

1. To make this change I need to dedicate going to the ymca *which I am paying for so I might as well do it* and work out daily and swim. *I LOVE TO SWIM*

2. I am going to encourage family bike rides and family walks through out the evenings of the week with the family :)

Emotional

1. I feel that everyone needs a venting place or a safe place to release their thoughts and emotions.

How I plan on doing this

1. I have friends that I trust, my husband and my Mother to do this with. I am also going to keep a journal of my emotions and learn to give it to God by going to him as well in prayer. Just pouring out my emotions to him and letting his will take over.

Spiritually

1. I want to be closer to my Heavenly Father.

How I plan on doing this

1. I will pray even more to him and try to wait and listen. I will read my scriptures even more... really plan ahead daily what time I will read and just do it... studying everything that I read....

2. I want to be a better servant to the Lord

How I plan on doing this...

1. I want to do a daily random act of kindness. I want to really think about what I will do and then do at least one act of kindness every day. I would love to get my children involved in this :)

3. I want to be a better Mother and I put this under spiritually because I don't think the Lord can dwell with me when I yell or loose my temper

How I plan on doing this....

1. I have considered not talking for a day and if I do only doing it in whispered tones... I know that sounds crazy but I have done this before and my children really had to pay attention to what I was doing or saying and it made an amazing difference in how we felt by the end of the day. I am really considering a trial in this again

2. I need to continue in family prayer and scripture study with our family... let nothing STOP that!

3. I need to maybe put church music on when there is a lot of conflict in the house and keep the kids busy so that they are not bored.

4. I think I need to do a fhe on this where everyone is on board... and get them involved on how to keep the spirit in our house better

Spiritually #4

I want to think kinder thoughts... loving thoughts, give others the benefit of doubt, not be so judgmental and have more compassion towards others, especially my husband and children because at times I get quick with them out of exhaustion or frustration on not knowing how to FIX whatever it is that is happening..

Mentally

1. I think I need a mental break like everyone else.

What I plan on doing

1. I think I am going to become interested in ME! I am going to have hobbies, and broaden my own horizons. My life up to this point has been all about my family... doing for them... and I think having time for myself and my own interests are just as important.

2. I also think I need to be stricter with my kids... set up things like chores first in the morning and then go on with our day. Maybe then it would be less stressful.

3. I need to get more organized with every day... just write it all out the night before what is on my agenda and then I know... maybe then I can sleep instead of listing them over and over in my head the night before ... *that keeps me awake*

Mentally #2 I need to stop being my worst enemy!

How I plan on doing this

1. Every time I say something that is negative to myself I need to replace it with a positive! I know many people do this but I HAVE TO STOP IT!!!!!!

I know I have been given so much. I think about so many others lives and all that they struggle with and I am just over whelmed with gratitude that my trials and lot isn't theirs. I have been greatly blessed. With health, family and home. My husband has a great job, we have insurance... we have stability. My children are happy and amazing people. I have animals. I LOVE ANIMALS!

I want to start looking at life as my cup is half FULL not empty... and in reality my CUP RUNNITH OVER!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be that person that really desires nothing in the world because she has everything. I want to be that person that only finds the good in a person... I want to be that mother that never raises her voice and has lots of patience... I have a list that goes on and on.... these are all great things to work towards and SO .... IT STARTS NOW! :)

Have a great day! If you have read this, thank you for being my friend and loving me with all my faults and for who I have been. I am so thankful for the people God has put into my life!

Life as I know it...

I am sitting here thinking about this month... the many great things that have come about.... how blessed I feel... and just counting all my blessings.

This last Saturday the 23rd of June, it was Todd's and mine 22nd wedding anniversary. I will say I had no high hopes or expectations on the day. But, that morning started out with a phone call from my oldest Virginia.... and her hubby Ryan.

She said, "Mom, *paused* I am pregnant." I said...." WHAT? NO! HAHAHAHA.... your kidding right?" She said, "NO I REALY AM!" My response was basically SCREAMING and alot of movement that looked really funny as I was driving down the street. I think I may have even shakened my husband and screamed at him... "VIRGINIA IS PREGNANT WE ARE GOING TO BE GRANDPARENTS!"

That was a blessing... to hear such amazing news on my wedding anniversary. THE COOLEST THING EVER!!

Then the day proceeded with us shopping and getting the kids ready for our departure for the evening. ME TELLING COMPLETE STRANGERS WITH GREAT ENTHUSIAM THAT I WAS GOING TO BE A GRANDMA! :) LOL

Then Todd and I left about 3 to go to Horse Shoe Bend, where he had gotten us first class tickets on Thunder Mountain Train. We had no clue what to expect :)

We boarded the train...it was adorable... we had our own booth table. Through out the ride, we had the pleasure of watching a live theatrical WILD WEST SHOW!~ It was hilarious and a lot of fun!

We met the neatest people on the train. A couple who were lds, that could not have children and had been married for 11 years.... and another very christian couple who had thier own dairy in Meridian. The view was spectacular. You could see river rafters on the river.... ONE EVEN TOOK OFF HER SHIRT TO SAY HELLO! That was shocking! But you really couldn't see much... kinda felt bad for the poor dear... she really had nothing to share! LOL

We were served a very delicious dinner as well. After the train ride we went to our favorite ice cream store there in Horse Shoe Bend. It has the most unique looking Ice cream. See the color on the swirl part well the color matches the flavor and you can have up to three flavors. For some reason that just fascinates me... LOL I KNOW I AM NUT!!!!!! YOU CAN LAUGH!

Came home to find our family doing just great... kids in bed... the next morning our kids woke us up to breakfast in bed.... so blessed! :) They didn't do it on our anniversary...so they made up for it. They know how important us celebrating the day we became "US" is and that means so much to me!

We had a great weekend. We went to see Brave, the park for lunch...then the FISH PARK in Boise... we love that place... then hit Krispy Kreme for donuts and were actually there when they made them so we sat and watched that for a while. When we came home... the kids all started pitching in to clean up the house and I didn't even have to ask. SO NICE!!!!! We just enjoyed each others company. I really needed a great day like that too! NO stress, no worries, just us as a big family, smiling and enjoying each other.

I just loved every minute of it. My children and husband mean so much to me. Family is everything! MY LITTLE FAMILY! :) Which is growing by leaps and bounds :)

The week before at Church, my Daughter and her husband were with us for sacrament and the bench was full... One person made the comment as to say...." How many M's can

one bench hold" I love it and what they didn't know.... is that they didn't know one was hiding :) IN VIRGINIA's BELLY :)

My Wonderful Son :)

12 years ago on June 14th 2000, my first son was born.... :) Oh how we were so thrilled. We had waited so many years for a son.

As he has grown and made great choices like getting baptised and complete his faith in God...

I sit here and am in awe over the thought that there will be another priesthood holder in my family. :) What a blessing! As I sat and pondered this, I got really emotional. I am listening to all the people that he is asking to be apart of this special moment and blessing, and my heart ached for a moment... MY FATHER WON'T BE THERE! HE CAN'T ASK MY FATHER! What a time in our life, a very special and important moment... and my Father won't be there. How my heart ached for a moment... I called my Mom and cried... I know that he will be there in spirit..but how I wish, OH HOW I WISH that he could be here physically. How I wish I could hear his sweet voice and watch his face as he sees his grandson receive the priesthood. How proud I know he would be and I am sure is in heaven.

I am so thankful that my son is a worthy young man...with great goals that he has set for himself. He has been such a fun baby, toddler and child.... and now he will be a great young man to enjoy. :) I am excited for his future... I already miss his younger years but so enjoying the here and the now!

I am excited for Sunday, and I know I will be really emotional. I am so proud of him. I am so thankful to the Lord for him. I am so blessed to have such an amazing son.

Where much is given, much is required...

Today.... I feel short handed. I feel emotionally drained.... and at the same time.... I feel inspired and directed. Weird I know! I have all these children. They really do require so much of my time and energy. For me to sit and have a moment to think lately has been impossible. The only way I am able to type right now, is the littlest are napping and my sons are jumping...the big girls are doing something. So for a few minutes I want write down my thoughts... release some feelings and just record it all.
Having so many different personalities.... each child having different needs and requirements... each child needing disciplining in a different way as well has been a challenge for me. So much so that I have moments where I feel like I am failing... but as I was discussing with one of my children about true failure, *a teaching moment where I had to listen to my own counsel* I realized, I haven't given up yet. I haven't stopped trying or giving it my all. So I am not failing them... I just might not always be enough or I might need help.
I have been relying a lot on my Heavenly Father lately for that help. To be my venting place, to my comforter and to be my guider. Man today... I came up with two brilliant ideas on how to help bring even more peace and harmony into our home. How to help build relationships and how to add respect to that list. I am hoping at my next family home evening, I can do it. I haven't quit figured it all out but I have a plan in the process. The fact that while I was sitting and feeling totally lost on what to do or say next... the idea came to me ;) is such a blessing. Just another moment where I see the Lord is still with me and helping me as always. I am really thankful for that! With all that I am thankful!

Butterlie, Unicorn and Fairies...

Butterflies.....

Fairies.....

& Unicorns..... OH MY!

Yes this is a silly start to my post.:) But this is me! I try to keep things light and fluffy in life. I try to cheer up my friends and family with silly things and images that only brings smiles. My life has had plenty of serious moments and hardships, but who wants to be stuck there emotionally? Not me :)

Today at church I was reminded so spiritually that not everything is butterflies, unicorns, and fairies in life and that IS ok. A new sister got up and shared her testimony about her life struggles. One she deals with is having very painful headaches, so painful that she would rather give birth naturally than to suffer this pain. But she called this pain a reminder of her blessings. She stood and shared many personal things that touched me, but when she talked about her trials and of the pain she goes through, that it humbles her and she feels it has brought her closer to God, that brought tears to my eyes. I was so impressed with her testimony. How she has this life long trial that will never go away and her attitude of gratitude was powerful. I am thankful for her great example of how to be thankful, positive, so full of Gods countenance, and humble. I am sure its not been easy for her but I am thankful for her spiritual strength. She makes me be even more thankful for my own life's blessings. Another thing she shared, that I want to remember... was, " your either fasting or your starving. You are either doing the motions of a fast or you are fully invested and your scriptures are your meat and potatoes. They fill you and feed you." I loved that! I know that really has nothing to do with the topic of a fluffy life but I don't want to forget that one.

Back to my original thought.... butterflies, unicorns and fairies.... it would be so nice to have the easy life.... "or so we think" where everyone was happy and life is sweet in every way imaginable. But I know that this life is not meant to be full of happiness all the time. If we do not know the bitter we will never appreciate the sweet. If we do not know how far we can be pushed or tested we will never realize our strength. If we do not know the horrible hatred things of the world, then we would not fully appreciate the love and peace that we do have. This life is for experience, growth and learning. The life after this is our reward if we but endure this life well. I feel that this one sister who shared her testimony is enduring well. I am so thankful for her and her strength. Especially her example and her testimony. When life gets hard..... find your unicorns, butterflies and fairies... count your blessings and know that this too shall pass. That what we are given is to better us, for our own good, even if it doesn't make sense to us. That God really does have the upper hand and has you and I in mind at all times. We are never alone. He is with us an his loving angels too. I testify to that. In the name of Jesus Christ, my Savior ... Amen.

The Spirit World

I have often thought of all those I have loved and lost in this world. What it must be like for them... where they are, what they are doing... what they see. When I was at my daughters high school graduation, I felt so many of my relatives that are on the other side with me. I imagined all the people screaming and shouting for the child graduating... to be all the people who have gone before us.... cheering for us, or welcoming us through the veil. Not even through the veil... but in life. Praying with us and for us. Being there next to us when we feel so alone. Cheering us on and participating in our JOYOUS moments.

I saw many families gathered together at the graduation, in groups. Sitting together prepared to shout and cheer on that one person they came to support. I felt very over whelmed thinking about all the many UNSEEN people that were there, with those families... ready and able to do the same. My heart felt warm and my spirit felt light and I was thankful for I knew we too were not alone.

My Father died of lung cancer... he promised to always be there for every important event in my children's lives. HE has kept that promise. I have felt him so strongly at the most unexpected moments. That sweet moment of knowing... TRULY KNOWING he was there... he witnessed it... he loved me... he kept his promise.... we are still just as important to him there as we were when he was here. He continues to be with us from time to time and I know he will be around till the day we can be reunited again.

I have always taught my children since they were young that angels are among us and always with us .That some are even family that have gone before. When my mother came to visit. We talked about many wonderful family stories that were pasted down from generation to generation of just that. One is of one of my distant relatives who was a nurse and brought babies into the world. Mid wife was her real status. She delivered a thousand and she would go by horse drawn sleigh, in a wagon or on a back of a horse. Some were as close as a farm away and some were over the mountains. One night she was riding over the mountain and a lightning storm came and scared her horse. She swore that she was going to go off the mountain and die... but she looked and saw a MAN grabbing the horse reins and he led the horse back to a safe path. The thing is... there was NO MAN. We believe it was an angel. She did make it to deliver the child on the other side of the mountain too.

I know of many sacred experiences I have had that has shown me I am never alone. I feel so sad when I hear or read that someone feels ALONE. Yes this world can be hard at times and lonely even. But I know with all that I am that we are NEVER ALONE. That our Heavenly Father loves us and that we have many angels with us, we just can't always see them or feel them. Just like we can't see air that we breathe, it is there.... so are angels!

When I worry about my Mother leaving me in this life and going on to the next, I get emotional and sad. But I really try to focus on the reunion she will have. The many people who have gone before her and are waiting to embrace her. I can only imagine the beauty of it all. The pain of loosing her children disappearing for forever and holding them in her arms again. Seeing her parents, my father.... and so so many. I liken that to the day we are with Christ. What joy shall fill my heart! How wonderful it will be to have the veil lifted and all that was forgotten to be remembered. What a blessing that will be. How great our joy will be and to be able to look around and see each other in a different light than with earthly eyes. I look forward to that day...so very much for myself.

I am thankful for knowing of the truth that we are not alone. For knowing and having the gift to see through the veil and for knowing that we are so loved.