Tuesday, January 14, 2014

A quiet moment

 Its quiet.... you want to know why.... its 3 am.  I have been wanting to write for a while but every time I sat down, someone would need me or need to talk to me and would disturb my thought... so here I am... I woke up.... remembered I had to throw the clothes in the dryer if my children were going to have something to wear today and then I couldn't go back to sleep. So I thought this is a perfect opportunity to write.

Where to start.................. my life is crazy busy and crazy full. I am thankful for it. Right now we have currently Virginia and Zoey living here... till the end the of the month when her Hubby will bring all their stuff from Washington and move them to Rexburg....  We have Kalene living here and her soon to be husband till bedtime every night... so he comes over first thing in the morning and is here eating and staying with us till its time to depart for bed... then he goes back to his parents house, all until this Sat when they are married. Then his room will be upstairs with Kalene.... I have all my other 6 children here.... and today my Mother comes. that is a grand total of 13 people I am housing and feeding.  It's been a challenge for the feeding part. I am not complaining just stating a fact. Making big meals that everyone loves, which none have complained, but its not my best area of talent so a challenge for me. But somehow... we are doing it on 300 every two weeks. We use to eat 500 every two weeks but money has been tight... and bills have all gone up including our mortgage... and so ... in order to pay everything we have to take from somewhere... so its the food budget.  I don't know how we are making it truly other than we are dipping into my food storage *which its there for that* and depleting it fast.  I have never seen my cubbards so bare... that might be why its also a challenge for me for meal time... because I have less to work with for dinner. Less to choose from on what to make. Oh but the Lord is so good to us. None of us go to bed hungry. We are all full and this month we have had so many birthdays already and somehow I have been able to make it special for each person. So thankful for that.

Jesse turned 8 years old yesterday. I can't believe it.  Every day he is still healing and growing and learning. He is wanting more responsibility and wants to do what his older brother does.... I am so proud of him. Of all the obstacles he has over come and is still overcoming. I love him so much.  His sisters...they are doing well too. Bella we still have emotional issues with..she is just a tender heart who needs more love than most and Ellie she is almost the opposite of Bella... She is a tough cookie and I worry because she is almost non emotional. But I am constantly praying for ways to help them and loving them the best I can and I hope in time they all heal.  I worry like I did with my first five... "AM I MESSING THEM UP "  and knowing the history of these littles... I worry a little more maybe about that.... am I enough.... But the answer is....  I have to be!

This kind farmer that Todd knows at work ... he and his wife can't have children and they have blessed us so much. They brought us a case of home made applesauce. It is the best I have ever tasted!   two months ago they brought us a huge box of apples.... they were so good..... They are constantly helping us... always when I am asking the Lord what will we do... They give us eggs from time to time... and honey too.  I am so indebted to them.  They are very kind and loving people and I pray they are blessed for all that they do. Someone else this week dropped off salad at our door. NO NOTE! I pray those people are blessed. Someone else dropped off clothes for the children.... just in time because my Jesse goes through so many shirts with his nervousness that he chews holes in them... and I can't afford to keep up. There was several shirts in this bag for Jesse and a pair of Jeans.... Several shirts and jacket for my Ellie and Bella and even clothes for Zoey. I am so thankful for all those who have us in mind. I can't ever repay them. It is always an answer to my prayers. People whoa re living are angels on earth when they do such kind acts of kindness and their thinking of us ... my family, touches me so very deeply.

I am so going to hate myself later for being up writing instead of sleeping. Some days I get up with Todd and I am in bed with the little children at 8...just wiped.  Its crazy how much trying to keep up and all that I do takes it out of me. 

MY MOTHER QUIT SMOKING! I am super excited... I pray this time it sticks. :) So happy!

My second daughter is getting married! THIS SAT! Crazy!~ I hope her day is special. We have done so much by hand to make it beautiful. I have been blessed with many helpers to decorate and to help serve the cookies and hot chocolate.  Her theme is snowflake. I hope that we can make it beautiful.  Super excited!   Crazy.... when your children get married you do sorta loose them. They become different. Its hard and good all at the same time. Its hard because I feel I can't connect in the same way I did before. There is a worry...for me anyhow that I will say or do something to loose them. Probably because of all that has happened between my first daughter and her husband and us.  But I have learned so much since then and I am trying so hard to be a better person and mother and in law and everything.  Truly I am!  But still....  its not the same. Which saddens me. Its no longer MOMMY  I NEED YOU... and my opinion doesn't rank as high.... there is a husband and I know its suppose to be this way.... just hard. I see it already in Kalene with her Kyle... She already values his thoughts and opinions and doesn't need mine.  Has some of her own. And its good. I have raised her.... she is amazing and will do great...I have prepared her for this time in her life to spread her own wings and fly just ... so hard as Mother to let go....  So many feelings inside... so many. from happy to sad...  the circle of life... my stage ..... its all so interesting.

Well I guess I have written enough to get back to bed for at least the 2 hours I have left.... scratch that.. one lol I will most likely just fall back to sleep and the alarm will go off... and my day will begin again.  So much to do today just to prepare for my mothers arrival.  I am tired... its been a long month already...e very day with much to accomplish. I am thankful I have been given the strength and patience and endurance to do all I have so far. But I am so looking forward to not having something to do next month. We are busy until after the 8th of next month. Crazy busy.... birthdays... and company.... and baptism coming up...

with all that is going on... I am just thankful... so thankful to my Heavenly Father for he has just blessed us over and over. When I thought I don't know how we will make it. Something has happened to helped.  My husband makes a great amount of money.... for people who had 2 children they would live               very very well! But our 8 and with them still living under our roof from time to time... till they can get jobs and on their feet... its a struggle.  But one I will continue doing for forever because this is what life is all about! FAMILY! I would rather be broke and have all my children with me and near me than rich and lonely! I am so blessed!!!!!!!!!!!

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