Thursday, October 10, 2013

One Day at a time

Change is hard... getting use to people living with you..... is change.... getting use to them not living with you is change....
I don't do change well.... anyone who knows me knows this.
I have struggled with letting my kids grow up.... every changing moment along the way.... Letting go is change and its hard.

All I can do is talk myself thru it all one day at a time. I really struggle with change... .

I am missing my Daughter... and her baby girl... so much. I hate that I can't just say COME HOME... I want to... I have asked my husband... almost begging but he says no.... and that if it were to happen they would have to ask us.....

I am trying to send boxes to help her smile.... I know she is struggling..... I know its not easy and its hard... I think she is depressed. I think she has been depressed since having the baby but I can't say that now... I am concerned....

I keep praying... giving what I can to God... asking for my Angels to watch over her and to help her know she isn't alone.. I beg God to help my son in law get a job... still no word yet. I am just waiting to hear that they got a job.... I am holding my breath anticipating and hoping.... praying.... and hoping......

Some days I have to stay so busy.... find things to do or I will go crazy sitting here thinking about things I want to talk to her about or not knowing what she is doing if she is ok....

I hate seeing her car and her stuff here.... because... she isn't here... and its hard... it just reminds me of how stupid everything got and that they chose to leave... and it could of been fine.... ugh! almost making me mad.... but I don't want that in my heart so I fight those feelings and thoughts.

I am trying.... to take it one day at a time...but sometimes its hard....  We still aren't where we were before...we can't talk so freely like we once use to and I wonder... will we ever be able to again?  

Being a parent... is hard.... so hard.... in these areas.... and during these moments I dare say IT SUCKS! 

just another vent, release of my anxiety or pent up frustrations.... taking it one day ... one moment, one minute, one second at a time......

1 comment:

Annie said...

I don't really understand if you all kicked them out (or implied they should go) or if they got mad and left, but I hope it can be pieced together. I'm resonating with you missing the baby. My grandchildren (the ones who don't live with me) see their other grandparents all the time. I am absolutely NOTHING to them; it breaks my heart. Sending cards and gifts to young children is useless. Phone calls silly. I just have to realize that unless we move there, I will be nothing more than a name to them (as, sadly, my grandparents were to me.)

I think you've triggered my sorrow. Sorry...but if there was any way to get them back, near you, I'd do all in my power to do it. In my case, because of my son's work, he has to be in DC....and moving would tear up the only security my Russian children know. Hopeless.