Sunday, October 25, 2009
My Adoption Journey, my view point...
I thought I would share who I am with you on a more personal note. I am a person who wears her heart out on her sleeve. You usually know if I am upset, why I am upset or what I am thinking most of the time. I am a communicator. My children and husband and friends always know what I am thinking or how I am feeling. One of my friends called it honest, no games with me. Who has time for that stuff and what is the point?!
So this journey has been one big roller coaster for us. I have had highs and lows. The "finding" waiting to be chosen stage has been so hard for me. You know when you know something; really know something... can't deny something in your heart. Doesn't matter what it is that your thinking of at this moment... it can be anything that comes to your mind, even to placing your child. Well for me, I know I am meant to have a child through the gift of a birth mothers love. I have always "JUST KNOWN" since young teenager too. When I dated guys, I had two questions for them. Did they like the name Virginia Lee for a child’s name and how did they feel about adoption. My husband answered correctly and so today he is my husband :) HAHAHA I seriously did that. Virginia Lee was a promise I made to my grandmother, that I would name my first daughter that. And the question about adoption was something that I just knew in my heart and could not deny that some day you would complete our family with a child thru adoption.
My highs have been dreams that I have had, my children have had, my husband has had and even my friends have had of this child coming into our family. My lows have been the silence. Not knowing if our birth mother has found us and is just waiting for a certain moment to say we are chosen. The not knowing when or who is hard for me.
So as I sit and hope that some one (the birth mother who is meant to be our birth mother) is reading my blogs and can feel a sense of who we are... what kind of people we are... and will feel drawn to us and connected. Hopeful she will want to know more, meet us and choose us soon.
I know that others have waited years and years to be chosen by a birth mother and so many have no children where I have been blessed with five, so far. I feel guilty in one way for being so impatient and anxious about being chosen when I think about how many have waited longer and with less. I am not trying to be selfish. I just know what I know. I felt a great sense of URGENCY when we started our adoption process. I felt like we could not hurry fast enough. That the person who was carrying the child that was meant to be with our family was pregnant and looking for us. I have done all that I can think of to get the word out for her to find us. From word of mouth everywhere I go, to pass a long cards (which I will be honest, they make me feel like I am selling myself or begging, I don't like that feeling) to putting it on face book. You name it. I have exhausted myself in putting our blog and info out there so that our birth mother could find us.
I know many look at us and think WHY? They have five kids. They don't look twice at us or even into us into any great length. But that is ok because all of this is done for the ONE birth mother that is meant to find us, not the zillion others.
We do have a big family already! We chose to have a big family. We love children and we have ideas that we are teaching our children on how family should be. To me family should always come first, family will always be there for one another and reliable, family is the most important thing in life. Not all the "THINGS" or the "FRIENDS" that will come and go. We have what we need and a little more. We are not rich in the ways of the world. We are rich in love! We are not hurting to make it, we have a 3666 sq ft home, but inside its simple. We live in our home :) You have to when you have kids :) Each child has room to have their own rooms, but the younger two girls share and Jaden joins them from time to time on who's room do you want to sleep in tonight. I love how close they are :)
One day all my children will be grown and married and they will come home for the holidays. All the grandchildren under one roof :) We will be together even after they are all grown up! :) Big Family Dinners and celebrations like we have now. I will have fun having all my grandchildren over and watching them bond with their cousins. :) (that is what I see for the future)
I know grandparents is far off, but those are my family ideas. My children know how important family is. They know of my dreams for the future and we are starting now with our children by making traditions. Spending quality time with one another and really knowing each other, as well as loving each other! We are also people who make our friends family. So to me, I hope that our birth mother will want to be apart of us :) as family. I have a friend who is a birth mother that has a wonderful open adoption with the family she chose for her son. They have her come for visits. They keep in contact by phone and many other ways. They love her and she loves them. They are family :) I have learned so much from my many birth mother friends. I adore all of them and they have become family to me even though they are not "our" birth mother.
This is me reaching out to you... telling you that I know you are going through so much right now... searching, praying and hoping to find the "RIGHT" family. But while your searching and hurting... I am too... I am hoping, praying and trying to have faith that you will find us. That we will meet and be forever connected :) I have nights where I cry and beg for our family to be completed soon. My arms long to hold this child that you carry. To love this child and to be a mother again. My heart longs to be complete and full. My children long for the sibling they too feel is missing. My husband is excited and ready to be a father to another child. He is so cute; he has to show our friends the latest things we have gotten for this child. He is an amazing and very involved father. His children are his world. He works hard so that they have all their needs met and some of their dreams too. He is an amazing provider. Our goal as a couple is to have me be the stay at home mother always. We have been able to keep it that way for 19 years. We have been blessed.
We are not perfect, we have pet peeves and the children do what all children do, tattle, fight, nit pick, and so on.... but there is much love in our home. We center our family on Christ and on our family. We make time to be together. We strive to be better to not just each other but to those around us in the world. We are always trying to be the best we can be and when we fall short of that we know it’s something to learn from and to move forward. This life is about living, loving and learning. We try to keep that attitude.
We are praying for you every day and night. My children are praying for you to find us as well. We are praying that if you have any needs that they are being met. If you have any upsets that you are being comforted. You’re prayed for in the temple weekly when my husband and I go. You are so very close to our hearts and in our minds.
I look forward to the day I can meet you. Hug you and love you too! If you would like to meet us or talk to us... please don't hesitate to email me and contact me. firstname.lastname@example.org
I am trying to be patient but will honest I am really excited for the day we meet!