My children before church dancing

My three children had no idea I was video taping them :) This is fun to watch! Look at my son doing his own thing. He is so cute! He is the only boy so far and its been so fun to watch how different he is from the girls :)

My Adoption Journey, my view point...

I thought I would share who I am with you on a more personal note. I am a person who wears her heart out on her sleeve. You usually know if I am upset, why I am upset or what I am thinking most of the time. I am a communicator. My children and husband and friends always know what I am thinking or how I am feeling. One of my friends called it honest, no games with me. Who has time for that stuff and what is the point?!
So this journey has been one big roller coaster for us. I have had highs and lows. The "finding" waiting to be chosen stage has been so hard for me. You know when you know something; really know something... can't deny something in your heart. Doesn't matter what it is that your thinking of at this moment... it can be anything that comes to your mind, even to placing your child. Well for me, I know I am meant to have a child through the gift of a birth mothers love. I have always "JUST KNOWN" since young teenager too. When I dated guys, I had two questions for them. Did they like the name Virginia Lee for a child’s name and how did they feel about adoption. My husband answered correctly and so today he is my husband :) HAHAHA I seriously did that. Virginia Lee was a promise I made to my grandmother, that I would name my first daughter that. And the question about adoption was something that I just knew in my heart and could not deny that some day you would complete our family with a child thru adoption.
My highs have been dreams that I have had, my children have had, my husband has had and even my friends have had of this child coming into our family. My lows have been the silence. Not knowing if our birth mother has found us and is just waiting for a certain moment to say we are chosen. The not knowing when or who is hard for me.
So as I sit and hope that some one (the birth mother who is meant to be our birth mother) is reading my blogs and can feel a sense of who we are... what kind of people we are... and will feel drawn to us and connected. Hopeful she will want to know more, meet us and choose us soon.
I know that others have waited years and years to be chosen by a birth mother and so many have no children where I have been blessed with five, so far. I feel guilty in one way for being so impatient and anxious about being chosen when I think about how many have waited longer and with less. I am not trying to be selfish. I just know what I know. I felt a great sense of URGENCY when we started our adoption process. I felt like we could not hurry fast enough. That the person who was carrying the child that was meant to be with our family was pregnant and looking for us. I have done all that I can think of to get the word out for her to find us. From word of mouth everywhere I go, to pass a long cards (which I will be honest, they make me feel like I am selling myself or begging, I don't like that feeling) to putting it on face book. You name it. I have exhausted myself in putting our blog and info out there so that our birth mother could find us.
I know many look at us and think WHY? They have five kids. They don't look twice at us or even into us into any great length. But that is ok because all of this is done for the ONE birth mother that is meant to find us, not the zillion others.
We do have a big family already! We chose to have a big family. We love children and we have ideas that we are teaching our children on how family should be. To me family should always come first, family will always be there for one another and reliable, family is the most important thing in life. Not all the "THINGS" or the "FRIENDS" that will come and go. We have what we need and a little more. We are not rich in the ways of the world. We are rich in love! We are not hurting to make it, we have a 3666 sq ft home, but inside its simple. We live in our home :) You have to when you have kids :) Each child has room to have their own rooms, but the younger two girls share and Jaden joins them from time to time on who's room do you want to sleep in tonight. I love how close they are :)
One day all my children will be grown and married and they will come home for the holidays. All the grandchildren under one roof :) We will be together even after they are all grown up! :) Big Family Dinners and celebrations like we have now. I will have fun having all my grandchildren over and watching them bond with their cousins. :) (that is what I see for the future)
I know grandparents is far off, but those are my family ideas. My children know how important family is. They know of my dreams for the future and we are starting now with our children by making traditions. Spending quality time with one another and really knowing each other, as well as loving each other! We are also people who make our friends family. So to me, I hope that our birth mother will want to be apart of us :) as family. I have a friend who is a birth mother that has a wonderful open adoption with the family she chose for her son. They have her come for visits. They keep in contact by phone and many other ways. They love her and she loves them. They are family :) I have learned so much from my many birth mother friends. I adore all of them and they have become family to me even though they are not "our" birth mother.


This is me reaching out to you... telling you that I know you are going through so much right now... searching, praying and hoping to find the "RIGHT" family. But while your searching and hurting... I am too... I am hoping, praying and trying to have faith that you will find us. That we will meet and be forever connected :) I have nights where I cry and beg for our family to be completed soon. My arms long to hold this child that you carry. To love this child and to be a mother again. My heart longs to be complete and full. My children long for the sibling they too feel is missing. My husband is excited and ready to be a father to another child. He is so cute; he has to show our friends the latest things we have gotten for this child. He is an amazing and very involved father. His children are his world. He works hard so that they have all their needs met and some of their dreams too. He is an amazing provider. Our goal as a couple is to have me be the stay at home mother always. We have been able to keep it that way for 19 years. We have been blessed.
We are not perfect, we have pet peeves and the children do what all children do, tattle, fight, nit pick, and so on.... but there is much love in our home. We center our family on Christ and on our family. We make time to be together. We strive to be better to not just each other but to those around us in the world. We are always trying to be the best we can be and when we fall short of that we know it’s something to learn from and to move forward. This life is about living, loving and learning. We try to keep that attitude.
We are praying for you every day and night. My children are praying for you to find us as well. We are praying that if you have any needs that they are being met. If you have any upsets that you are being comforted. You’re prayed for in the temple weekly when my husband and I go. You are so very close to our hearts and in our minds.
I look forward to the day I can meet you. Hug you and love you too! If you would like to meet us or talk to us... please don't hesitate to email me and contact me. crazy7bunch@cableone.net
I am trying to be patient but will honest I am really excited for the day we meet!

Adoption...

My thoughts on Adoption:
Before I share a personal story with you, I just want to express in behalf of my husband and myself, that who ever chooses us needs to know. I am open to whatever the birth mother needs and wants in the relationship between us (the adoptive parents/birth parents)I am open to change, when you need more pictures or communication, just let me know. When your needing less, I will make a blog just for you, that way you can see as much or as little. Whatever the birth mother is needing or hopes to attain in this relationship with us, we are open to :)

I know I have not yet adopted, but I have a good perspective of what Adoption is.
Adoption to me is about love and the CHILD :) Having the priveledge to watch a little girl that I have watched since her birth has been a huge blessing to me and as of last year a blessing to her. Let me explain.... when my friend, Gesa got pregnant, She asked me to watch her child while she worked. She was a doctor. I was able to watch her child the day she came home.
Gesa had a c-section. She knew I had a great love for this child. She trusted me completely. So I helped Gesa raise this little girl Aylin.

She and I had moments where we talked about how we were raising her... what we were teaching her and what Gesa wanted out of life for her. Everything I did, I did with respect , love and because I did it for Aylin, the child. Gesa and I shared a motherhood in her life. I would take her to work so Gesa could breastfeed her... and then bring her back to my home. I got to watch this child learn to roll over, crawl, walk, speak her first words, and sentences... I got all the priveledges of a mother and I love her just as much as one of my own children. Gesa was so sharing with Aylin to me :) Well a year ago, Gesa and Aylin were in a horrible car accident. Gesa died. Aylin was 3 years old. This is their last picture together, a day before the crash...

She had a broken neck and a broken knee... along with a broken heart...

but having been apart of her life since she was born, I think it helped to heal her. She is very much apart of our family. Her dad sometimes has to leave for business trips and we get to keep her for weeks at a time. :) I love it . She loves it. She can't wait to be a big sister...(when we adopt, she says she is the baby right now of the family, but soon she will be a big sister ) So this was a situation where two mothers loved one child, shared in that childs raising and communication was a really important part of what we were doing.... helped me realized, it was never about me, or Gesa, it was always about the child....just like adoption...its about the child!

I might not have adopted Aylin legally in this life, but I have in my heart... and I think that open adoption is possible, for I feel I have somewhat already experienced it.
To this day, I know what Gesa wanted for her daughter and I honor her by trying to raise Aylin in that manner, along with my ideas. I am very excited for the day I am able to be a mother to another child, my child, the one I adopt.





This is our Flower Pot that we dedicated to the baby. It holds just a few things that we have bought to keep us focused that our child will come :)

This is our first outfit we have bought. I love bugs, I had a convertable bug for my first car... so I fell in love with the colors and the design on this sleeper. Just had to have it.

Cally my 12 year old made this hat for the baby :) I thought that was so sweet. She just came downstairs one day and said, look what I made for the baby :)




Poor Aylin she was sick, so we made her up a bed and spent the day reading books, coloring and watching movies together!


WE MADE OUR FIRST BLANKET FOR THE BABY :)



I loved the pattern on this fleece. I call my children little monkeys sometimes... so it fits perfect! I Loved it... Taylor helped me make it:)

Our Family Project...

IGNORE THE DATE on this post.... I wanted my flower one to be at the top, so I just put this under that one... the actual date on these finished and complete is 10/19/09

We went to an adoption class where 7 ladies were asked to share their adoption story. These wonderful women were birth mothers. Each story was unique and different. Each gave us something to think about so that we can have a sucessful open adoption with the birth mother that chooses us. We felt the need to thank these wonderful woman, so as a family we made Angels for them. It was just a thank you, but I hope when they look at it, they know they are never alone, that angels are with them and that someone thinks they are amazing. We love birth mothers :)
We had fun and check out the mess on the floor! LOL
On the side of the blog is a poem I wrote just for these ladies, its not the best but I tried and hope that they feel of my love for each of them.

My son asked...

During Mommy snuggle time with Jaden, this is our conversation... it was so sweet!

Jaden: Mom when is our baby coming?
Mom: honey, I don't know, its all in Gods hands.
Jaden: Do you think I will get a brother?
Mom: I think we will get what God wants us to have and if its a brother or a sister we will be so blessed.
Jaden: Mom can I pray for a brother?
Mom: Yes, honey you can, but you must remember its in God's hands and you would be sad if your sisters were not here with us, right?
Jaden: yes I would miss my sisters. But I really want a brother.
Mom: Well Honey... all I know, is when this child or children come into our lives, we will be so happy and this child or children will be loved.
Jaden: You said Children?
Mom: well we could be blessed with Twins, which is two babies...
Jaden: Mom, we have enough people in our family to take care of five babies!
Mom: Yes honey (Giggle giggle) but I am not sure we will end up with that many. Jaden: Mom, I just can't wait to be a big brother.
Mom: Jaden your going to be the best big brother ever!

Out of the mouth of babes!

Some bragging moments...

What kind of a mom would I be if I didn't brag a little :) I just have to share this latest stuff...
Taylor is learning the violin and my oldest Virginia who plays really well was teaching her, I snuck in and took the picture while they were practicing together.




Then I have to share this next picture... I had a calling in the church where I taught 10 -12 year old girls. We did activities that are a blast twice a month. I am no longer going to do that calling because I have been called to primary. But on my last night, we did a Parent/child night were we had fun get to know your child/parent games. I took this picture of Todd and Taylor :)



Last but not least is Kalene's great artistic job. She designed this shirt for her homecoming sophomore class. They liked it so much that they made into a shirt and sold it :) I am so proud of her and her amazing talents. I am really blessed with children who have different talents and are willing to use them :)