A rough year

  I am worried this year is going to be rough....   I kinda felt that way when it started and its turning out to be true..... My sister in law has cancer.... she has the most amazing attitude.... She truly shows faith that she is going to win and kick CANCERS BUTT! But every time I hear the latest findings and news...I am left with I wonder how long we really have with her... Its stage 4.. its everywhere.  I also feel like when she leaves my Father in Law is just going to follow suit.... His wife died 3 years ago to cancer and now his daughter.... I can see him just giving up. you know how you hear people dying of a broken heart... It will be him.... I am not kidding.... Just trying to prepare......

 I hurt for my husband...> His whole life he has tried to be close with his family ... we live here because of them... and year after year we really still feel we are not as close as we would like to be. My husband goes to visit his sister while she isn't well... He tries to have a conversation with her and she just wants to watch tv.... giving him a  couple glimpses here and there and nods her head..... yes.. or acts interested.. Its times like this that breaks my heart for my husband.....   He is broken that all these years living here hasn't brought us as close as we had hoped and now she is dying.     

I know his pain.... I do... I have a sister who is dead and one parent as well. I know his pain all too well and this morning as we cuddled I cried for my husband... for the pain he is about to endure and feel....  The many questions of WHY?  and all that is about to follow....  crazy.  She is so young...          with children that still need her here... and all we can do is try to have Faith that God knows what is best..... 

We also are struggling with watching our children struggle in life. Just trying to get started and make it... things are so financially tight everywhere... Finding a job is a huge blessing and keeping one is even bigger.... and I want so badly to know my children who are married are all going to be ok... That they can find secure jobs and make it... THRIVE and be happy....   Right now...t hey are all struggling and it is a heavy weight on my heart and mind....

I know my husband and I never struggled so much as our children are.... We were well off newlyweds... He was already in the Navy.. making a great income. We had insurance.... we had bought our first apt... a month early and went yard selling collecting things for our home to be since we dated and knew we were meant to be.... we did that even with our children's things... buying way in advance things we wanted for our babies and children.... so when the time came we had what we needed......     We were so blessed..... I just want those same blessings for my children.

I wish I were rich.... so I could help so many struggling financially... I wish we could have our own successful company and work for ourselves hiring our children and friends who need an income.... and good job......          


A lot is on my mind this morning...  Sadness is in my heart.... I feel we have some trials of heart ache ahead.