Friday, April 5, 2013

Feeling overwhelmed...

This is my beautiful 4 year old Ellie. This picture was taken on our way to the hospital to get her tonsils, adenoids and tubes in her ears out. She was so excited because we had bought pudding, jello, sherbet, soda and Gatorade for after. She couldn't wait to be spoiled. Poor thing had no idea it was going to be so rough or that she wouldn't really care much about all that stuff after.  Especially since she hears what we are having for dinner and she can not. Poor thing!

She did really well. I did really well too considering everything. I had a weird .. I guess it was a panic attack... right when all the nurses and doctors showed up around Ellie. I could not breathe and my heart was racing....  But then a calm came over me and I was fine.
They took her off and what seemed like an eternity waiting to see her again... only took a 20 minutes... but we waited for 30.
When they brought us back to the recovery room, they brought us to an empty room. I thought that was interesting... and I almost started to freak out again worried why she wasn't there... Then THIS MAN... he was her nurse... came out.. carrying her.  I did not see that man, I saw my Father... who is dead. It was so amazing. I can't even explain it. He looked like my father so so much.  My husbands mouth dropped and his eyes got big. I just lost it. I started crying.... I felt my Father presence there so strong. I haven't felt that in a while. It was like he was saying to me," I was there the whole time, I carried her through and she will be OK"   Such a precious moment . 
My Father had the traumatic experience of my sister at the age of 11 dieing in his arms from a tonsillectomy gone wrong. So for him to carry Ellie to me... just an emotional and unbelievably amazing moment. I know he physically was not there... but I DO KNOW HE WAS SPIRITUALLY!
Now my Cally is having problems. She has been having problems for 13 days now with extreme pain in her left side. We went this morning to get her a cat scan and the poor thing. The stupid iv hurt the whole time it was in. IT WAS HUGE! She had silent tears streaming down her face and she would just say, it stings. It is so difficult to watch your child suffer or be in pain. This is so hard. Cally has had it so hard since she was young.  I pray whatever is wrong this time can be figured out and that no more will happen to her.
Life has been crazy around here. To say that is an understatement.  So much is always going  on. I know other families do not have as much going on as I feel we do at our house. My husband gets people all the time asking him why he can't just go do this or that... and he tells me..."THEY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT TAKES TO RAISE 8 KIDS.... and 3 of them being TRAUMA KIDS" but then, neither did we. Thank Heavens too because if we had known maybe we would not of tried? nah... I would of still said... if God says I can I will.
The crazy thing.... My children have told me since my GRAND BABY was born that we are missing someone... I am having dreams about a baby boy. Not sure if that is because I am stressing over what they are saying or if there really is one more.  I have pretty much given it to God and he knows, if there is one more, it has to present itself to us... and that it really needs to be soon. I am not getting any younger. 
I have learned so much... 41 and learned so very much... and I know I have so much more to learn!
I am thankful for every experience for its all making me a better person. *I THINK*  I am especially thankful for my children and their health! :)

1 comment:

Nellie said...

That was an amazing experience you had, and being a worrier I am SO GLAD that it seemed to be ALL GOOD. I might have jumped to the conclusion that he was there because my daughter had died or something. Well, I'm glad you didn't experience it that way! How lovely.

Sounds like you are undergoing a LOT. It is more difficult to be the mom, I think because you are so helpless.