10 things about me...

         I saw this on a friends blog. You write 10 things about you... good/bad/whatever. Things that someone else might not know... or know. Just share away.


So here they are.
1.  I am an insecure person.  I have never felt good enough. Pretty sad.  I have come to this place in my life, maybe with help from experiences and age, that I just don't care anymore if I am enough for others, except my family. I learned a long time ago but did not start practicing this until the last couple of years...its GOD, then Family, then church. Nothing else matters. I try really hard to keep it that way now and my life has been simplified.  I stress too much when I try to help people with meals. Will they like it...will it taste good, will it be ENOUGH...oh look that word again!     If I help or serve others I do it with complete confidence now.  They have a Need... I can fill it.   As a parent, its a whole different story. The manual on each child would of been lovely. The only manual I have found to help me are my scriptures, my prayers that are heard, the temple and my patriarchal blessing

2. I am a worry wart! I need to stop this, but one way I have found that helps me release the stress and worry is to share it. Which I have to say for the few people in this world that do care about me, I feel bad for them. LOL they get the REAL ME... I have no sugar coating techniques. I say it like it is and I say it like I feel it.  So face book is great for me there. I need to be heard and I post and poof I am heard, the stress has been released and I have found most the time the people I care about and visa versa...have great advice. When they don't, their prayers are comforting :) Just knowing someone knows how I feel...helps me. Its become my own therapeutic help. I am not sure I was ever heard as a child. Probably why I need it now.

3. I am afraid of being alone.  This might be why I have so many children, besides the fact that the Lord needed me to mother these individuals. But I am truly terrified to be alone. I can not sleep if my husband isn't here at night. I can not  imagine my life without someone literally here in my house with me.  I am hoping if anything ever happens to Todd and my kids are grown.. I just go with him... or my children will want me to live with them. I don't need much... a closet will work LOL

4. I love/hate church. I hate dressing up for it, while I am not the physical size I would like to be. I like my big body covered up. Every inch! I  do love the people and the uplift I get there, I just hate that most events that everyone goes to has to be dressed up. I do feel strongly that it should be that way, out of respect but I hate doing it.

5. I love graveyards. They offer me peace. Crazy I know...but if I can just walk through one or go sit by a someone I knew... I find I talk to them and release a lot more stress and find comfort. People don't get that. I know that those who are buried are NOT THERE...  I know this! It probably started when my sister died. Her grave was behind my stone wall elementary... nice right! Yeah... and I use to sneak over the wall and go sit by her grave... and talk to her. My father/daughter outings were to her grave, picking weeds, planting flowers.... It was a special time and a sad time with my Father. But it did give me a safe place and there are truly not many of those in this world. At least that I have found

6. I don't like dishes or laundry or potty training. MY PET PEEVES! I think its because they never end. The potty training does eventually but its non stop till they get it.

7.  I am terrified of heights, big semi trucks, bee's     and new foods, basically new raw fish stuff.  I don't want to come to the day where I have to kill my own food to eat... I would die... or eat bugs, I would die...

8. I am not a green thumb. I hate the dirt. I literally have issues with dirt touching me. Its almost painful. Crazy I know. I hate gardening and I mean.. HATE IT..... I think that might have a lot more to do with the dirt and bugs part LOL

9.  I love sun rises and sun sets... blue skys... the sun peaking out with rays of light behind the clouds.... fields with flowers in them or farms. I love animals.

10. I would gladly give up everything I have and am, even blessings and life if my children would know how amazing they are and see themselves as I see them. If only they would know how beautiful/handsome they are and how I have learned from being their mother. How spiritually right on they are... and what a great example to me they are. How pure and Christ like they are. How they are strong and can do anything in this life if they set their minds to it.