Thursday, December 13, 2012

Adoption... the challenges...

  Lately life has been a challenge in our home. Three particular little lives...  These three special little ones have blessed us in so many ways... they have also challenged us and at times brought me to my knees looking for answers on what to do or how to help them understand... which lead to me being the one needing to understand.
 My parenting techniques for my first five bio children are not going to work for these three little ones. They just won't. They have too many things to heal from... to many things I still don't even know about, I think they too don't even understand.
 They are in these bodies of ages 4, 5 and 6 but emotionally they are really 1, 2 and 3.   NO one really understands what I am talking about without living it or being a parent of a child who has been neglected and abused.
 Things like their sensory systems to their actual body functions have been affected. They have not been cuddled, loved and talked to with such joy that a mother with a new born child would do. I am realizing so many things lately. I see so many things I must do to help them. One being I need to cuddle them. I need to talk to them kindly and with a smiling face... I need to spend real quality time loving them, nurturing, touching their faces, talking about them in a great positive and affectionate way. 
When you think about an infant... they never hear no.... if the infant cries, I would hold them, love them, cuddle them, take care of them, sing to them, feed them, sleep with them. I would say YES for the first year easily... because this little baby would need me and have no way to take care of itself. I need to think of my three little ones in this light..... THEY NEED ME TO SAY YES! They need to learn trust and love. They need all that which they did not get from ANYONE. *heart breaking*
I need to empower my children and connect with them in ways I would if I had them from infantancy.

For me... this means several things... I will be honest... there will be times I will be tired and I will want to do OTHER THINGS that I would normally be doing with children of the ages that these are...but  I need to put everything aside and do just what I said up above. 

I am becoming creative as a parent on how to help them...  Its a challenge but now that I am finding answers I am so excited!
So I am going to make a tool box of life.... it will help me teach them what tool they need to use or what they should of used with situations that they are living out each day. :)  I am super excited about this.

I have gone to bed many nights feeling so lost... drained, wiped emotionally and physically and I have woken up several times since these children have come home, to be ours for forever, feeling hopeful and uplifted... able to come up with new ideas or have been led to them.:) I am so thankful for that! :) Thankful I have Heavenly Father in my life guiding me.

SO I am learning that if my children are emotionally younger than their physical ages, then I can fill in those gaps...  I can help them heal... I am so excited to know there is a way to help I just had to realize where to start :)

   I love my children. All of them. I am thankful for them all. They keep me going... keep me searching and doing things I would most likely never done. It is good :) I am learning so much. I just wanted to share my joy that I am finding solutions to hard situations ... I have faith that these children are going to heal and grow in love :)

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