Life is happening...

 So I finally was able to reach my daughter..... we talked. It was so good to hear her voice. I miss her so much. She says they love where they are at.... in Washington.  It is green.... has hills... tree's. She loves it. She is being treated well by her in laws... I am thankful for that!  They are going thru some trials and financial issues but she is staying positive and will find a way.   There is nothing I can do to help. They are where they need to be. If this all happened here, and her husband got depressed, we would not of been able to have helped him. Only his Dad is the one who can help him in times like these and so that is where they are. It is good.  To hear my daughters voice was a blessing.  To know she is ok... and my grandbaby is doing well.. crawling. I miss my grandbaby.. her happy little spirit.  She is loving her other grandparents and uncles and aunt. That is good. Although her uncle's and Aunt's here all have share a similar heart ache in missing her as well. What a loved child she is :) So blessed like that.

I am better now that I have heard their plans. I am not living in what if's and what will happen? I know... she is staying...  I am going to pack up her room and we are going to try and fix their car so when they come for the stuff its all taken cared of for her.  We don't know how to help other wise. Money is not here..... and we still have to find a way to get wood pellets for winter.... Christmas and a wedding in January... lets not forget the zillion birthdays in between.

My other daughter left yesterday for college with her fiancé  and they got stuck in Jerome.  The car over heated and broke down... that was a long day for them. They left at 9 am.... and didn't get to college till 8 something.   it is only a 4 to 5 hour trip.... His father came and got them. Took them to college. We hope that the car is fixable. Poor Kyle he put so much money and work into while they were on break.    But they are there safe and sound... exhausted but safe and sound. 

It is quiet in my home with only 8 left. Crazy but it really is... 5 more people made it louder.... busier.... crazier... and an extra dog...   now 5 and a dog left and it is weird... not just to me... Everyone is like... its too quiet.   We are all missing all my children that moved out. Its hard to let go... Its so very hard......

I do think in time our hearts will heal ... but I think the fight we had will make it a long process and that it will take a while to get back to where we once were but I have to have hope that we will find that place. 

I have not cried so much in my entire life.... my heart has not been so heavy before... not even over a death.... this has been so hard... so heavy... I am lighter but I am still hurting.... and I guess that too will take time to go away.... I am still heavy hearted and I think that too will take time to lift . I think that will take till we hug again in person and say I love you face to face

I have learned so much in all of this. I stress too much. I am not patient. I am not compassionate enough... I have to learn to hold my tongue... to conquer my thoughts when mean ones come in... to bridle my upset... and anger... to keep positive and to try to focus on that.  I have so much more growing and learning to do.... you would think 41 I would have this down....  but I don't.  So I am going to try and focus on bettering myself.... We might take anger management classes... we will do yoga and meditation.... I will read my scriptures more and pray more.... I will serve more..... I hope that my daughter and her husband will feel our love again... and see we are going to try and change for the better.... as part of our repentance in all of this.