letting go

I found this quote... in a book off a friends blog. Not sure who the author is...just it said so much to me....      "Because in the end you can't always choose what to keep, you can only choose how you let it go."
 Right now I am using this with many things.... with things I need to get rid of that I have had since a little girl.... family things... that I don't usually look at a lot or even use but I can't just trash it or get rid of it so I am passing it on to my brother and children NOW!!!!!

And I also look at this like my children who are married.  I can't choose to keep things the way they were before they got married because EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! no matter what I have tried to do .... they have a partner now... someone they are turning to and its hard because I don't feel as needed and I am not sure still where my place is in their lives.  Is it just to be the babysitter over their children?  Or do they want a relationship with me?   My newly married daughter has become seriously private and they live with us right now, just temporary and its just as if they are the only two people in the world that exist. I try to ask how they are and make conversation but it ends quickly because they are not invested or so it feels this way. Which is ok...they are newly married right now its all about them in their little world. I just worry... after how things have gone down with my first daughter and her husband... will things be like this with all of my children? so when I saw this quote I felt it.... I just have to let go and hope for the best... take what I get.... and do great things with whatever that is.... and hope for the best. Its just  hard.

I saw this picture in this one house... it was so beautifully done. Everyone was dressed in all white. Very heavenly... and the children were all sitting and looking at the parents  and the parents were facing the children. I thought... "I WANT A PICTURE LIKE THAT" it just seemed so beautiful to me. Something out of the scriptures...but then reality hit and I don't think my oldest and her husband would want to be apart of a picture like that. So.... that won't be happening. But it was a beautiful picture.... and something in side me worried that it will never be like that.... I feel my children are better than I am.... seems at everything...f rom talents to being good Christians. I am glad... I want that. I want them to make better choices than I did and have less heart ache. I want them to succeed in life.... but I don't want to be looked down upon and I don't feel I have that respect that I gave my parents and naturally still feel towards them. I don't feel I have that from my children. Its an interesting feeling... not insecurity.... it is a reality at least to me.  And I don't know where I have gone wrong. 

Jesse is doing better with his med changes. WE are taking him off concerta and giving him stratterra and it seems to be doing well :) He is sleeping.... I have to keep telling myself that his bad behavior moments are not from lack of medicine...that I have to teach him. There is no pill to teach a child how to behave..... wouldn't it be nice though... he is just different on the concerta. I think he is better without it...still waiting to find out. I hope it all works.... I want him to be on less medicines that are stimulants... and more natural things.  

Well I will end this...just thoughts that have creeped inside me today... that I have to let go and sometimes its the only way I know how to get them gone is to write.