I got a phone call yesterday... Bella is in Kindergarden.... and she had punched a boy in the eye for telling her that the salsa on her breakfast burrito was not hot..... she thought it was.... I couldn't believe what I was hearing. MY LITTLE SWEET GIRL PUNCHED A BOY????? I tell her father in text... his response which I think is every man's response... WELL NO ONE WILL MESS WITH HER HAA HAA... except.. I was not laughing... I felt like I was the one in trouble because the tone the Principle took with me. Since adopting.... I have gotten to know this principle all too well.. MORE THAN ANY PARENT SHOULD EVER KNOW!!!!!! All due to my children acting up or misbehaving. I have never done this till now. All my other children never got in trouble.
So here I am trying to look stuff up on the internet as to how handle this correctly.... to NOT cause trauma ....
I came across a ODD oppositional Defiant Disorder program for kids with ADHD, PTSD and many others.... its a reward system... Basically you take everything away from them.... things most kids naturally want to do and can be allowed to do because they are for the most part good kids.....
These kids don't know how to be good sometimes... they need help.... So you teach them they earn everything ... it is like a self motivator and helps to discipline their actions. Helps them think before they speak or act.
So I am trying to do something along these lines, not as strict. I will allow them to play in their room as long as they keep it up and clean. If they don't then I take that item and when they want it back it will be earned :) I am excited and hopeful this will help with many things... .I PRAY!
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3 comments:
That program you found sounds CRAZY! Totally wrong for a child with any kind of early trauma. They don't understand that they are loved; they don't trust adults entirely - taking things away seems like more abuse. It doesn't change behavior, but makes them feel endangered; they rely even more on their own understanding and become even more defiant!
The thing that works best is connection. Understanding why she acts in this way or that. Why did the boy make her feel she was in danger? Because that is usually the reason adopted children respond violently.
Oh, be careful! Are you familiar with Heather Forbes? beyondconsequences.com
well let me be more specific.... I haven't taken anything away really... things of physical nature... and this encourages more creativity in their play and with me. Less tv. has made them play HOUSE :) and want cuddles more... but they have really shown improvement in attitude and behavior they have certain things they want to earn and I just focus on the positive. They are really doing well on it. All my kids have seen a difference since we started just this week... but its hard... and I get tired...
Good! You know best, for sure! Yes; parenting is SUCH hard work.
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