Christmas at our house 2012

Christmas at our House :)

   the house is decorated, the tree is lit. The decorations are everywhere inside and out. :)  The Children are excited, boy is that an understatement :) There is MAGIC in the air ....

 

 The NEW stockings are ready and made to be hung :) *Christmas eve gifts *

Virginia's

Isabella's

Ryan's

Jaden's

Taylor's

Jesse's

Zoey's

Poppy's

Ellie's

Kalene's

Mommy's

Cally's

The kids have new outfits,  From GrandMax for our special day and for church :) They look so cute :)

 Christmas Caroling done....  Just need to walk the town lights ;)

Virginia, Ryan and Grandbaby bump here :)

Now its time to celebrate  this special time of year! :) With the real meaning of Christ in our lives... all the neat family traditions we do...  So much excitement from everyone. We love to have such family fun! :)  Merry Christmas everyone.. Happy New Year too :) I am so thankful for my family! :) Forever we will always be! :) I love that we keep growing :)

Adoption... the challenges...

  Lately life has been a challenge in our home. Three particular little lives...  These three special little ones have blessed us in so many ways... they have also challenged us and at times brought me to my knees looking for answers on what to do or how to help them understand... which lead to me being the one needing to understand.
 My parenting techniques for my first five bio children are not going to work for these three little ones. They just won't. They have too many things to heal from... to many things I still don't even know about, I think they too don't even understand.
 They are in these bodies of ages 4, 5 and 6 but emotionally they are really 1, 2 and 3.   NO one really understands what I am talking about without living it or being a parent of a child who has been neglected and abused.
 Things like their sensory systems to their actual body functions have been affected. They have not been cuddled, loved and talked to with such joy that a mother with a new born child would do. I am realizing so many things lately. I see so many things I must do to help them. One being I need to cuddle them. I need to talk to them kindly and with a smiling face... I need to spend real quality time loving them, nurturing, touching their faces, talking about them in a great positive and affectionate way. 
When you think about an infant... they never hear no.... if the infant cries, I would hold them, love them, cuddle them, take care of them, sing to them, feed them, sleep with them. I would say YES for the first year easily... because this little baby would need me and have no way to take care of itself. I need to think of my three little ones in this light..... THEY NEED ME TO SAY YES! They need to learn trust and love. They need all that which they did not get from ANYONE. *heart breaking*
I need to empower my children and connect with them in ways I would if I had them from infantancy.

For me... this means several things... I will be honest... there will be times I will be tired and I will want to do OTHER THINGS that I would normally be doing with children of the ages that these are...but  I need to put everything aside and do just what I said up above. 

I am becoming creative as a parent on how to help them...  Its a challenge but now that I am finding answers I am so excited!
So I am going to make a tool box of life.... it will help me teach them what tool they need to use or what they should of used with situations that they are living out each day. :)  I am super excited about this.

I have gone to bed many nights feeling so lost... drained, wiped emotionally and physically and I have woken up several times since these children have come home, to be ours for forever, feeling hopeful and uplifted... able to come up with new ideas or have been led to them.:) I am so thankful for that! :) Thankful I have Heavenly Father in my life guiding me.

SO I am learning that if my children are emotionally younger than their physical ages, then I can fill in those gaps...  I can help them heal... I am so excited to know there is a way to help I just had to realize where to start :)

   I love my children. All of them. I am thankful for them all. They keep me going... keep me searching and doing things I would most likely never done. It is good :) I am learning so much. I just wanted to share my joy that I am finding solutions to hard situations ... I have faith that these children are going to heal and grow in love :)

The Good, the Bad and the change of attitude....

  I would like to share something very personal that happened this week in our family. Last Tuesday one of my teens came up to me and expressed that they didn't want to be home much. That there was just too much noise from the little children. *crying, tattling and loud playing*  I just listened, I was caught off guard because I have always felt that our home was a place everyone in our family wanted to be and that it was a place where they wanted to bring their friends too. I have worked hard, as a mother, to make sure that our home was our safe haven. So when my teen told me this, my heart sank. It hurt. I had no idea how to even respond.  My husband and I ended up going to the temple that night, which was so needed for me because I was filled with all this upset now. While in the temple, I prayed A LOT! I asked Heavenly Father to help me know how to fix this and what to do. I explained how I want my children to want to be in our home and to feel good in our home. I cried a little too. I felt some comfort while there, even though at that moment I didn't have any answers. But I knew that I would soon have answers because Heavenly Father has always answered my prayers and helped me.  That night I came home and went straight to the computer. I started to look up talks and stories on Lds.org on the topic about love at home. I read some scriptures, said my prayers and went to bed. The next day, before I did anything I said my morning prayer and asked again for Heavenly Father to please help me figure out a solution to the problem at hand. I read some scriptures which led me to feeling more peace and comfort. That led me to answers :) 
Here are some of the scriptures I read... which led to my answers :)

Alma 13:20 "Behold, the scriptures are before you: if ye will wrest them it shall be to your own destruction."    With that first verse I explained to my children to read daily and why.... When I saw that they were using their time unwisely, I asked if they had read their scriptures for the day. That was a good thing to share with them. They did stop whatever thing they were doing, that was just a waist of their time, and would then go read their scriptures :)
  Alma 13: 27-29
27 And now, my brethren, I wish from the inmost part of my heart, yea, with great anxiety even unto pain, that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance;

28 But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord,...

and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering;
29 Having faith on the Lord; having a hope that ye shall receive eternal life; having the love of God always in your hearts, that ye may be lifted up at the last day and enter into his rest.

 

Alma 34:21-27

21 ^aCry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening.

22 Yea, cry unto him against the power of your ^aenemies.

23 Yea, ^acry unto him against the ^bdevil, who is an enemy to all ^crighteousness.

24 Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

26 But this is not all; ye must ^apour out your souls in your ^bclosets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your ^ahearts be ^bfull, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your ^cwelfare, and also for the welfare of ^dthose who are around you.

 

 I read a lot more and I read more talks ... one on..... Our Homes Must Be a Place of Refuge

"In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is more important than ever to make our families the center of our lives and the top of our priorities. . . .

"We need to make our homes a place of refuge from the storm, which is increasing in intensity all about us. Even if the smallest openings are left unattended, negative influences can penetrate the very walls of our homes."

L. Tom Perry, "The Importance of the Family," Ensign, May 2003, 40

 

All these things with more prayer... led me to realize, I am doing all that I can to help the family but it was the MEMBERS of the family that needed to do more on their part. They needed to have a change of attitude or heart. They needed to realize this is our family. This is what it is and if its not ok to them then THEY need to do more to make it better.

 

So that day when my teen got home, I had a talk with them. I explain how I felt when I was told that it was not where they wanted to be. I explained how I am doing all that I can and that it was on their shoulders to change their attitude. I explained that these little children are just that.... LITTLE and that once, not so long ago, they too did the exact thing and acted the exact way. 

 

 

But I am thankful for the honesty in my home. That my children feel that they can tell me such things, even if does hurt me. Because I can always try harder and make it better. So that is what I have been working on, with the LORD BY MY SIDE guiding me and helping me, inspiring me.

 

So every night I am sharing a spiritual story to keep my children focused and thinking about how they can contribute to our family becoming stronger and more loving. :) So far these are the two stories I have shared :)

 

 HIDDEN WEDGES.... here is what I told them and then we talked about how we need for forgive others or fix what we might of done to make the wedges disappear and become a stronger family..... the story :
Elder Spencer W. Kimball gave a memorable address. He quoted an account written by Samuel T. Whitman entitled “Forgotten Wedges.” Today I, too, have chosen to quote from Samuel T. Whitman, followed by examples from my own life.

Whitman wrote: “The ice storm [that winter] wasn’t generally destructive. True, a few wires came down, and there was a sudden jump in accidents along the highway. … Normally, the big walnut tree could easily have borne the weight that formed on its spreading limbs. It was the iron wedge in its heart that caused the damage.

“The story of the iron wedge began years ago when the white-haired farmer [who now inhabited the property on which it stood] was a lad on his father’s homestead. The sawmill had then only recently been moved from the valley, and the settlers were still finding tools and odd pieces of equipment scattered about. …

“On this particular day, it was a faller’s wedge—wide, flat, and heavy, a foot or more long, and splayed from mighty poundings [—which the lad found] … in the south pasture. [A faller’s wedge, used to help fell a tree, is inserted in a cut made by a saw and then struck with a sledge hammer to widen the cut.] … Because he was already late for dinner, the lad laid the wedge … between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He would take the wedge to the shed right after dinner, or sometime when he was going that way.

“He truly meant to, but he never did. [The wedge] was there between the limbs, a little tight, when he attained his manhood. It was there, now firmly gripped, when he married and took over his father’s farm. It was half grown over on the day the threshing crew ate dinner under the tree. … Grown in and healed over, the wedge was still in the tree the winter the ice storm came.

“In the chill silence of that wintry night … one of the three major limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud tree remained.

“Early the next morning, the farmer went out to mourn his loss. …

“Then, his eyes caught sight of something in the splintered ruin. ‘The wedge,’ he muttered reproachfully. ‘The wedge I found in the south pasture.’ A glance told him why the tree had fallen. Growing, edge-up in the trunk, the wedge had prevented the limb fibers from knitting together as they should.”1

My dear brothers and sisters, there are hidden wedges in the lives of many whom we know—yes, perhaps in our own families

 

Tonight I will share this story.......Beautiful are the words of the Savior as He was about to die upon the cruel cross. Said He, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”2

There are some who have difficulty forgiving themselves and who dwell on all of their perceived shortcomings. I quite like the account of a religious leader who went to the side of a woman who lay dying...

, attempting to comfort her—but to no avail. “I am lost,” she said. “I’ve ruined my life and every life around me. There is no hope for me.”

The man noticed a framed picture of a lovely girl on the dresser. “Who is this?” he asked.

The woman brightened. “She is my daughter, the one beautiful thing in my life.”

“And would you help her if she were in trouble or had made a mistake? Would you forgive her? Would you still love her?”

“Of course I would!” cried the woman. “I would do anything for her. Why do you ask such a question?”

“Because I want you to know,” said the man, “that figuratively speaking, Heavenly Father has a picture of you on His dresser. He loves you and will help you. Call upon Him.”

A hidden wedge to her happiness had been removed.

In a day of danger or a time of trial, such knowledge, such hope, such understanding will bring comfort to the troubled mind and grieving heart. The entire message of the New Testament breathes a spirit of awakening to the human soul. Shadows of despair are dispelled by rays of hope, sorrow yields to joy, and the feeling of being lost in the crowd of life vanishes with the certain knowledge that our Heavenly Father is mindful of each of us.

 

I Also shared a video... which I loved....

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index=4&locale=0&sourceId=c1d1b0333ee92210VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=bd163ca6e9aa3210VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD

Being a Mother is a job I take seriously. Its the only thing I feel I was meant to do in this life and I must continue and strive to do my best. I will, because it does bring me great joy and these people that I am blessed with to love and teach,  they are my world, so very important to me and if I were to let them down by not doing my part, the heart ache I would feel for eternity would be greater than anything else imaginable. :) I am thankful for this calling in life, MOTHER ... :)  I am even more thankful that I am able to do it with a wonderful husband and Father. :) Led by an amazing Heavenly Father, guided by the Holy Ghost! :)

Driving in Fog

Have you ever driven in fog? Really bad fog where you almost can't see the line on the road ahead of you? I have.... and lately there has been a lot of fog to drive in. I don't like the fog. It scares me. I am always thankful for a person in front of me to follow or street lights that shine enough to show me exactly where I am. I am also thankful for familiar roads.  If you know your roads then its not as bad as venturing out on a street you have never driven on before.

I was thinking about the fog this morning. How its like the WORLD and US :)   So many people are going through life without any direction or any principle to follow. They are blindly living day to day without even knowing why they are here and where they are going.  ...Some people when driving, that can see the line, do OK but when venturing on other roads they don't know, they get a little lost or end up taking a longer route than planned. For the most part people seem to be wondering in the fog.  Directionless and full of questions as to where they are or heading.

I started to think about my life.... how blessed I am to be able to see the light and through the fog of the world :)  I am thankful for the Book of Mormon, the Bible and the gospel. Those things have kept me on the right road, guided me when I ventured onto new roads and helped me to always see the light in my darkest hours.  I have never truly been lost because of it. I know who I am and why I am here. I know I have a great purpose in life and I know where I want to end up :)   I KNOW, I don't just think or feel it. I KNOW IT :) Its a great thing to KNOW something. To have it burn within you and to have that desire to share it with others.

Heavenly Father loves each of us so much. He knows US individually. He hears our prayers and he has never left us alone, even though we may feel like he has. I have found that when I have felt alone or far away from my Heavenly Father it wasn't his fault, it was mine. That I wasn't doing my part in keeping in contact with him.  Maybe I hadn't read my scriptures in a while, missed church,  didn't pray a heartfelt prayer and took the time to listen.  He is always there for us but its up to us to receive him and allow him in our lives.

This morning I worried about my daughter getting to school safely. She rides with friends and the school is a ways out from our house. So I found my peace and comfort by going in and having a prayer with her before she left for school. I asked for her to be safe and to be brought back to me safely. I found immediate comfort and peace in doing that. Heavenly Father blessed me with that as well, for I received a text saying she arrived safely. Had I not prayed this morning with her, she still might of made it safely but I would of spent my time worrying and feeling uneasy.

I just wanted to share a moment of my thoughts this morning as I drove my children to school in the fog and write down my gratitude for what I know to be true and what has blessed my life. I hope you all have a wonderful day! :)
   

Love Thy Neighbor

             I have several things on my mind. It started a few days ago when I was looking up the Boise Temple Celebration on line to see what others had posted from their video taping. I came to one that said, "Boise Temple Re dedication" I had no thought that it would be from someone who was not LDS. I ended up fast forwarding through the video surprised that so many that do not belong to my church would go so far out of their way to do something like this.  I know we have our "HATERS" out there, but I truly do not understand why they feel the need to bash other faiths that are not of their own. Especially when they have no clue what they are talking about.  My first question would be, "HAVE YOU READ THE BOOK OF MORMON?"  and they even say they have not in the video.

 Why do people feel the need to do such things? We don't. We believe in letting others worship how and what they may. We especially do not plan to go try and put a damper on their celebrations. But so many feel the need to constantly put us under attack and protest what we each have the right to choose for ourselves.  I am thankful for AGENCY! I choose this FAITH!  my list is endless as to why but I will be happy to share them with anyone who asks.  I know this church is true with all that I am.  THE GOSPEL IS TRUE. I go for the gospel, what it teaches me, which is everything that JESUS taught while he was on this earth.     I just wondered if these "PROTESTERS" ever realized that we don't do what they do. We don't go and say that their Jehovah witness/catholic/Jewish... a zillion other faiths out there ... etc are wrong or badger them as to why.  How is putting someone on the defense working with the spirit?

That is why we, "THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS" won't go into a debate with you over why we KNOW our faith is true and why WE FOLLOW it. Because the second someone has to debate about it or the discussion gets heated, the spirit of the LORD has left. 

 

Growing up, everyone knew I was from this faith. They knew it. I was like 1 out 400 in my community. They came to respect me for how I lived. I was asked so many questions. I was protected by my friends who smoked, drank and other conducts that I would not participate in.... if someone that didn't know me asked if I would like a cigarette, watch out. My friends almost jumped them for even thinking of asking me. I loved that! :)  Not that they would fight someone or anything but that they respected my decision, and it was a mutual respect! I didn't judge them or bash them for what they chose to do. Even today, when reconnecting with many of my friends *who are not of my faith* they remember me as "YOUR THAT MORMON GIRL"      

 

Another thing I wanted to touch on was Judgement.  I truly try to not judge others. To look for the good in everyone and to put myself  in their shoes so that I can see their perspective.  I truly love people for who they are. Why would I judge them? That is NOT my place.  I don't want that calling either! *not that there is one, in case you didn't know, that was me just saying I am glad Jesus has that job, he is way more qualified*  I am not perfect, I will be the first to admit that. I make mistakes daily. I try really hard not to, I do my best to choose right from wrong. I try to teach my children by example.  I try to testify what I feel and believe to be true to anyone I meet or who inquires.  I try to serve others as often as I can.  I do the best that I CAN do, but I am not perfect.

It saddens me to think that others judge me for trying to be Christ like.  It saddens me to see some people go JUDGY on others and almost force their opinions on others around them as if theirs is the only one that matters. *is that judging? by me saying that? Yes*  But how do you stop judgement?  I am not trying to contradict myself but there is a fine line between it all. You have to know when you are sharing your thoughts and standards with others and when you are preaching to the point of saying I AM THE ONLY ONE RIGHT HERE.   We are even taught that every faith has some truth to it. So therefore, every person does as well. *I believe this anyhow*

This Thanksgiving, I wish there was more Peace on this earth. That people would come together in spirit and with love... one towards another like Jesus taught, regardless of faith or race. I wish we could see each other as "Brothers and Sisters"  and could find the good in others. Focusing on the good in others instead of their flaws or faults.  I would love that. What a world we would live in if everyone did just those two things. People would truly be the neighbors to one another that Jesus asked us to be. People would be quick to forgive and less defensive. I, myself, would be a better person.  I look forward to this thought coming true, when Jesus Christ returns, we will all see each other in new light, A LOVING LIGHT, as he does with each of us.

I know who I am, I know where I came from, I know where I want to go and who I hope to become. I am thankful for this knowledge. I am thankful for the temple. I feel such great peace inside and I feel closer to my Heavenly Father. Its like that Mountain you think about climbing to say a prayer to be closer to God. For me, the temple gives me that. Are you, my brother/sister, not happy for me that I have found that in my life? Do you not want that for me? I want that for you. If you were to say that you found that in your life, regardless of your faith, I would be so happy for you!

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I hope they were not too displaced or hard to understand.

 

The Love Of Christ....

 I love all my children ... even when they make mistakes and choose the wrong path.  I worry about them, I pray for them and I hope that they will choose the right. I, as a mother, would do anything for them to choose that right path, to be Christ like and to become all that they can be.

I am sure that Jesus Christ feels the exact same way about all of us. He died for us... he did all that he could so that we could be with him and our Heavenly Father again. I am sure he is upset when we are tempted to do wrong or do wrong. I am sure he feels the exact pain I feel, probably more so, when my children choose to not listen to me or obey. 

This world is full of so many temptations. People wanting to follow someone so badly... they are blinded from the truth and so desperate they follow blindly who ever SEEMS great to follow before them.  People want to be accepted and loved so badly that they do whatever it takes, even if that leads them down the wrong path in life, and how sad is that?  People want to fit in so badly that they are willing to go into debt to have what Janie next door does or what every tv commercial advertises.  Money, money, money ... it seems to make the world go round.... its a must to live and some live to have it.  People are making such poor choices today and its understandable with Satan tempting us at every corner.  From bad music, bad books, bad movies to bad media.  The list is endless on the bad.  From you need this to wanting it so bad that it takes over us.

I am watching my children make choices for themselves.  I am contemplating how I, as a mother, has handled some of these situations with my children. When I have reviewed my own actions, I have felt bad in my own decisions on what I have said or done... thought about what i should of said and done.  I am thankful for repentance... for the gift of forgiveness. Not just from my savior but from my children.   

I am thankful that I have someone to turn to and to ask ..."What do I do now to help them Lord?"  I keep trying and doing what I feel inspired to do...     I have so much work ahead of me. I have a son who is just naturally rebellious.  Nothing I have done yet has worked. I am searching for more creative parenting skills, in hope that something will click and he will naturally want within himself to listen to me. Knowing I just want to keep him safe, I want him happy and that I do it all because I love him.          Just like Jesus for us! :)

Sometimes, looking at the world ... its easy to focus on all the bad, but today I choose to focus on all the good.  I tell my children good always wins over evil. I have to believe that and incorporate that into all my thinking as well.

The Lord wants us to live a happy life. Full of love, health and peace. He wants us to be positive full of FAITH not fear.  This is my focusing thoughts of the day :)

It's my birthday.....

 All week I have been down, just thinking I am going to be 41 ... TODAY.  I went to bed sad just thinking about it. I said a sincere prayer last night that I could find joy and peace today,  which I woke up to just that. I had a happy heart.  I truly felt HAPPINESS inside my heart.  My daughter last night asked what she could make me for breakfast in bed. I told her not to worry. She has school and she has to get up so early every morning as it is. I also can't eat right away because of my skin condition, which I have to take a pill every day, wait a half hour and then eat.   She wanted to do that for me even though it meant getting up earlier than normal. That meant a lot to me. 

I woke up to a love letter on my mirror from my husband. He works so hard.  Long hours daily and is up and gone before everyone else and home almost before their bed time. He felt bad that he hadn't taken the day off or had time to get me a gift. *but in his defense, I told him I didn't really want one* I had spent enough money doing service projects that really made me happy, so that was enough.

 I have had a relaxing morning :)  Watching movies... WHICH I LOVE TO DO!!!! and spending time with Ellie. *the only child home from school still*  I went and got Kalene, Ellie and I lunch from Blimpie.. one of my favorite places to eat and it doesn't ever make me gain weight to eat ;)  Then I ran to Costco to get tonight's dinner.. SHRIMP cooked in Coconut oil and Salad :)  

I am excited to have a yummy family dinner and then off the movies we will go. A new movie called "Wreck-It Ralph" is playing :) The kids really want to see it and for us to go the movies is hard with so many of us. So we are doing it as a family to celebrate my birthday.  When we get home we will have my favorite ICE CREAM CAKE FROM DAIRY QUEEN! I have to have a very thin slice of it. I have lost 14 pounds and I don't want to gain any of it back. I am down a whole pant size and I want to be down even more before my first grand baby is born.

I have been working out at the YMCA and it feels so good to work out. I love swimming! The water is so freeing to me. I love the sound underneath... so peaceful to me... blocks out all the noise of the world. Its my time to meditate....

I have been thinking of all that has happened.... in my life and up to this point. How many blessings I have and how thankful I am. How my life has been blessed. I have been thinking of my future... what is in store... what I want to do.... where I want to be 10 years from now * if Christ doesn't come by then*  

I have evaluated my life a lot lately. Its difficult being a mother of small children, teen children and adult children. I am literally going in so many directions.  But at the same time, I love it. I am busy. I have the best of all worlds and stages in life that life has to offer! :)  My life is full! ;) how many people can say their life is full?  Or... how many people realize all their blessings and are grateful for them?

I am right where I want to be.... :) Literally! ;)   It doesn't get any better than this and if it does I am so excited! 

When I reach my goal weight I am going to go shopping and get a whole new look.  Classy and stylish. I have several friends who have amazing taste in clothing and style. They will be recruited! :)  I will be a Guinea pig :) SO EXCITING!  I can't wait to say I have lost 50 pounds... or I am 2 more pant sizes down :)   I will look so much better, feel better and I will look different :) Which is all good!

A new year is around the corner.  I wonder what it has in store for me, for my family, for my children and grandchildren to come :)   I hope to do more service and to continue to work towards being what the Lord wants of me.