The Fortunate 10 :): December 2012

Lately life has been a challenge in our home. Three particular little lives... These three special little ones have blessed us in so many ways... they have also challenged us and at times brought me to my knees looking for answers on what to do or how to help them understand... which lead to me being the one needing to understand.
My parenting techniques for my first five bio children are not going to work for these three little ones. They just won't. They have too many things to heal from... to many things I still don't even know about, I think they too don't even understand.
They are in these bodies of ages 4, 5 and 6 but emotionally they are really 1, 2 and 3.   NO one really understands what I am talking about without living it or being a parent of a child who has been neglected and abused.
Things like their sensory systems to their actual body functions have been affected. They have not been cuddled, loved and talked to with such joy that a mother with a new born child would do. I am realizing so many things lately. I see so many things I must do to help them. One being I need to cuddle them. I need to talk to them kindly and with a smiling face... I need to spend real quality time loving them, nurturing, touching their faces, talking about them in a great positive and affectionate way.
When you think about an infant... they never hear no.... if the infant cries, I would hold them, love them, cuddle them, take care of them, sing to them, feed them, sleep with them. I would say YES for the first year easily... because this little baby would need me and have no way to take care of itself. I need to think of my three little ones in this light..... THEY NEED ME TO SAY YES! They need to learn trust and love. They need all that which they did not get from ANYONE. *heart breaking*
I need to empower my children and connect with them in ways I would if I had them from infantancy.

For me... this means several things... I will be honest... there will be times I will be tired and I will want to do OTHER THINGS that I would normally be doing with children of the ages that these are...but  I need to put everything aside and do just what I said up above.

I am becoming creative as a parent on how to help them... Its a challenge but now that I am finding answers I am so excited!
So I am going to make a tool box of life.... it will help me teach them what tool they need to use or what they should of used with situations that they are living out each day. :) I am super excited about this.

I have gone to bed many nights feeling so lost... drained, wiped emotionally and physically and I have woken up several times since these children have come home, to be ours for forever, feeling hopeful and uplifted... able to come up with new ideas or have been led to them.:) I am so thankful for that! :) Thankful I have Heavenly Father in my life guiding me.

SO I am learning that if my children are emotionally younger than their physical ages, then I can fill in those gaps... I can help them heal... I am so excited to know there is a way to help I just had to realize where to start :)

   I love my children. All of them. I am thankful for them all. They keep me going... keep me searching and doing things I would most likely never done. It is good :) I am learning so much. I just wanted to share my joy that I am finding solutions to hard situations ... I have faith that these children are going to heal and grow in love :)

I would like to share something very personal that happened this week in our family. Last Tuesday one of my teens came up to me and expressed that they didn't want to be home much. That there was just too much noise from the little children. *crying, tattling and loud playing* I just listened, I was caught off guard because I have always felt that our home was a place everyone in our family wanted to be and that it was a place where they wanted to bring their friends too. I have worked hard, as a mother, to make sure that our home was our safe haven. So when my teen told me this, my heart sank. It hurt. I had no idea how to even respond. My husband and I ended up going to the temple that night, which was so needed for me because I was filled with all this upset now. While in the temple, I prayed A LOT! I asked Heavenly Father to help me know how to fix this and what to do. I explained how I want my children to want to be in our home and to feel good in our home. I cried a little too. I felt some comfort while there, even though at that moment I didn't have any answers. But I knew that I would soon have answers because Heavenly Father has always answered my prayers and helped me. That night I came home and went straight to the computer. I started to look up talks and stories on Lds.org on the topic about love at home. I read some scriptures, said my prayers and went to bed. The next day, before I did anything I said my morning prayer and asked again for Heavenly Father to please help me figure out a solution to the problem at hand. I read some scriptures which led me to feeling more peace and comfort. That led me to answers :)
Here are some of the scriptures I read... which led to my answers :)

Alma 13:20 "Behold, the scriptures are before you: if ye will wrest them it shall be to your own destruction." With that first verse I explained to my children to read daily and why.... When I saw that they were using their time unwisely, I asked if they had read their scriptures for the day. That was a good thing to share with them. They did stop whatever thing they were doing, that was just a waist of their time, and would then go read their scriptures :)
Alma 13: 27-29
27 And now, my brethren, I wish from the inmost part of my heart, yea, with great anxiety even unto pain, that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance;

28 But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord,...

and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering;
29 Having faith on the Lord; having a hope that ye shall receive eternal life; having the love of God always in your hearts, that ye may be lifted up at the last day and enter into his rest.

Alma 34:21-27

21 ^aCry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening.

22 Yea, cry unto him against the power of your ^aenemies.

23 Yea, ^acry unto him against the ^bdevil, who is an enemy to all ^crighteousness.

24 Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

26 But this is not all; ye must ^apour out your souls in your ^bclosets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your ^ahearts be ^bfull, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your ^cwelfare, and also for the welfare of ^dthose who are around you.

 I read a lot more and I read more talks ... one on..... Our Homes Must Be a Place of Refuge

 "In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is more important than ever to make our families the center of our lives and the top of our priorities. . . .
 
 "We need to make our homes a place of refuge from the storm, which is increasing in intensity all about us. Even if the smallest openings are left unattended, negative influences can penetrate the very walls of our homes."
 
 L. Tom Perry, "The Importance of the Family," Ensign, May 2003, 40

All these things with more prayer... led me to realize, I am doing all that I can to help the family but it was the MEMBERS of the family that needed to do more on their part. They needed to have a change of attitude or heart. They needed to realize this is our family. This is what it is and if its not ok to them then THEY need to do more to make it better.

So that day when my teen got home, I had a talk with them. I explain how I felt when I was told that it was not where they wanted to be. I explained how I am doing all that I can and that it was on their shoulders to change their attitude. I explained that these little children are just that.... LITTLE and that once, not so long ago, they too did the exact thing and acted the exact way.

But I am thankful for the honesty in my home. That my children feel that they can tell me such things, even if does hurt me. Because I can always try harder and make it better. So that is what I have been working on, with the LORD BY MY SIDE guiding me and helping me, inspiring me.

So every night I am sharing a spiritual story to keep my children focused and thinking about how they can contribute to our family becoming stronger and more loving. :) So far these are the two stories I have shared :)

HIDDEN WEDGES.... here is what I told them and then we talked about how we need for forgive others or fix what we might of done to make the wedges disappear and become a stronger family..... the story :
Elder Spencer W. Kimball gave a memorable address. He quoted an account written by Samuel T. Whitman entitled “Forgotten Wedges.” Today I, too, have chosen to quote from Samuel T. Whitman, followed by examples from my own life.

Whitman wrote: “The ice storm [that winter] wasn’t generally destructive. True, a few wires came down, and there was a sudden jump in accidents along the highway. … Normally, the big walnut tree could easily have borne the weight that formed on its spreading limbs. It was the iron wedge in its heart that caused the damage.

“The story of the iron wedge began years ago when the white-haired farmer [who now inhabited the property on which it stood] was a lad on his father’s homestead. The sawmill had then only recently been moved from the valley, and the settlers were still finding tools and odd pieces of equipment scattered about. …

“On this particular day, it was a faller’s wedge—wide, flat, and heavy, a foot or more long, and splayed from mighty poundings [—which the lad found] … in the south pasture. [A faller’s wedge, used to help fell a tree, is inserted in a cut made by a saw and then struck with a sledge hammer to widen the cut.] … Because he was already late for dinner, the lad laid the wedge … between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He would take the wedge to the shed right after dinner, or sometime when he was going that way.

“He truly meant to, but he never did. [The wedge] was there between the limbs, a little tight, when he attained his manhood. It was there, now firmly gripped, when he married and took over his father’s farm. It was half grown over on the day the threshing crew ate dinner under the tree. … Grown in and healed over, the wedge was still in the tree the winter the ice storm came.

“In the chill silence of that wintry night … one of the three major limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud tree remained.

“Early the next morning, the farmer went out to mourn his loss. …

“Then, his eyes caught sight of something in the splintered ruin. ‘The wedge,’ he muttered reproachfully. ‘The wedge I found in the south pasture.’ A glance told him why the tree had fallen. Growing, edge-up in the trunk, the wedge had prevented the limb fibers from knitting together as they should.”1

My dear brothers and sisters, there are hidden wedges in the lives of many whom we know—yes, perhaps in our own families

Tonight I will share this story.......Beautiful are the words of the Savior as He was about to die upon the cruel cross. Said He, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”2

There are some who have difficulty forgiving themselves and who dwell on all of their perceived shortcomings. I quite like the account of a religious leader who went to the side of a woman who lay dying...

, attempting to comfort her—but to no avail. “I am lost,” she said. “I’ve ruined my life and every life around me. There is no hope for me.”

The man noticed a framed picture of a lovely girl on the dresser. “Who is this?” he asked.

The woman brightened. “She is my daughter, the one beautiful thing in my life.”

“And would you help her if she were in trouble or had made a mistake? Would you forgive her? Would you still love her?”

“Of course I would!” cried the woman. “I would do anything for her. Why do you ask such a question?”

“Because I want you to know,” said the man, “that figuratively speaking, Heavenly Father has a picture of you on His dresser. He loves you and will help you. Call upon Him.”

A hidden wedge to her happiness had been removed.

In a day of danger or a time of trial, such knowledge, such hope, such understanding will bring comfort to the troubled mind and grieving heart. The entire message of the New Testament breathes a spirit of awakening to the human soul. Shadows of despair are dispelled by rays of hope, sorrow yields to joy, and the feeling of being lost in the crowd of life vanishes with the certain knowledge that our Heavenly Father is mindful of each of us.

I Also shared a video... which I loved....

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index=4&locale=0&sourceId=c1d1b0333ee92210VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=bd163ca6e9aa3210VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD

Being a Mother is a job I take seriously. Its the only thing I feel I was meant to do in this life and I must continue and strive to do my best. I will, because it does bring me great joy and these people that I am blessed with to love and teach, they are my world, so very important to me and if I were to let them down by not doing my part, the heart ache I would feel for eternity would be greater than anything else imaginable. :) I am thankful for this calling in life, MOTHER ... :) I am even more thankful that I am able to do it with a wonderful husband and Father. :) Led by an amazing Heavenly Father, guided by the Holy Ghost! :)