I have realized its time to get my life organized .... during the time the children are at school. I am finding myself not being as productive... and it is not the way to live. I need to incorporate many things... spiritual , physical, hobbies, social time and me time... all within the time I drop the kiddo's off and pick them up. Lets not forget clean a little.
So I am going to start with walking with a friend... right after I drop off the kids to school. That will get exercise out and social time :) I will love that... its a great combination.    then I will get spiritual in. I am thinking General Conference talk.. 1 a day along with scriptures... and then I will watch a movie and work some.... I put labels on dowels... then I might find a new hobbie. I am thinking sewing... Lets see if this works. I am always trying something like this to live better and be more productive. I am sure I will fix it along the way

Move time

 I want to move. I am so over due for a move. My house fits us all so well and I am thankful for it..but our back yard is too small... I am tired of neighbors and our HOA fees are so stupid. I am ready to live in a smaller home, smaller house payment and bigger yard.... I am ready to be neighbor free and HOA free.. Have my camper in my yard... and zillion cars because we have zillion kids....

I need change. So much so! I would really love to move right now.... I am anxious for it. My husband drags his feet in these areas. I love new beginnings and new people... I want it so much!!!!!!

Catch up

Its time to catch up....
So my older children are all moved out.... living on their own... trying to get pregnant....  doing great :)
My other 6 kids are now home for the summer :) My one daughter is healing from recent tragedies and my boys are Karate and loving it.
 We are currently waking up every day early to get one daughter to drivers ed and then I am teaching my youngest 3 to get into a daily habit of praying first... then reading scriptures... after breakfast we do some schooling to help them keep up and prepare for the upcoming year and the rest of the day is play , chores and maybe a project here and there.
One of my sons is off for several days camping..... and next week he turns 14. Crazy He is already taller than me.  :)
My parents are coming for a visit the week afte the 14th and I am looking forward to it :)

I want to repaint the house this summer.. We are talking about putting wood floors down and wood stairs in. :)  Then we might sell. My oldest is graduating this next year so we promised to wait for her to graduate first. But then we are down sizing into the forever home... the one we want t pay off and retire in :) 

Not sure where we will go yet... we want land is all we know :) and closer to my husbands work :)

A tragic Loss

 My daughter is dating someone very special for a good while now... I can see them lasting and getting married when he returns from his mission and his Mother and sister died in a horrible house fire. My heart is broken for this family..... my Daughter has been a mess all weekend.... I am lost as a MOTHER to how to comfort this special boy in our life......  He graduates next year. It was Mothers Day weekend and his mom died 2 days before. Its his mothers birthday the day of the funeral... so many hard 1st go thru.....   

You would think with all the death in my life, I would know how to comfort someone.  I have had many children in my life who have lost their mother...... and it was easier when the children were little... he is almost a man.... I can't just cuddle him and hold him and tell him he will be ok....

My heart is aching for them all... and watching my daughter is hard... I am trying to give her strength and comfort but feel like nothing I say is working....

Life is hard..... I don't understand all the workings of the Lord.... I have to have faith he knows what is best.... 

I pray our family never suffers such tragic events....even though I have already lost so many.....

My Children

  My children are all in different places and with my original 5 a long time I ago I use to leave scriptures for them to wake up to every day..... so I decided to do something like that again but this time its quotes and I am leaving them for them to find every day... just something to ponder.... hopefully a connection on how they might be feeling :) 

I have realized my youngest is going to be fine... just as normal as most children...a little crazy full of energy at times but so right where she needs to be..... I think I will struggle the most with my son who is 8.. he did go thru the worst of the trauma.... and he is still healing... seems slower some days..... My other daughter who is 7 is going to be ok too..if I can just reach her emotionally on self esteem....  love.... and who to be loyal to. She would throw the family down the drain and jump for friends and so yeah...I have my work cut out but we are working on it all and slowly I do feel that they are going to be ok.....

Easter is coming. I am so excited. We will be going to see my children who are married and living near the college 5 hours away :) Can't wait to see them and my grandbaby :)  It should be a great Easter.... 

I am not looking forward to sleeping on the floor.... and one of these days we will have to tell our kids they should give us their beds... but I really had hoped they would come to that conclusion on their own. 

anyhow... these have been the thoughts and ramblings of my mind lately... crazy as it it sounds it consumes my mind some days....

God's Hands in our lives....

 I love that my daughter calls me and says she wants to share God's hands in her life.... We have all been praying that her husband would get a job... I have been pouring out my soul over worry to the Lord on this matter and yesterday he got called by 4 different  job places and each wanting an interview and one hiring him on the phone.... :) He hopes to have 2 jobs by the end of today :) They so need this... and it seems like they have been just beaten down and when things look up.. something else happens... Their trials are much harder than mine ever were as a newlywed... as a mother its worries me.. How are they? Are they making it? Do they need anything.. I will ask and they say they are fine. They don't want to ask for more help... they don't want me to help because to my daughter it makes them feel like they are not adults.... or something.... even though they are parents... .and  so.... when my daughter called sharing this joyful news.... I cried.... when I got off the phone I ran to my knees and thanked my Heavenly Father.  I am so thankful!!!!! I just want all my children to be ok.. to have good lives where they don't struggle and are happy.  I want them all healthy too....

You never stop worrying about your children... even when they grow up and leave.....

  

I haven't been getting my sleep at night. I swear if its not the kids its the animals. I have this huge lab.. and he is so sweet and good but his tail is strong and hits everything everywhere he goes... so at 3 am this morning he comes up and his tail is hitting all the walls and doors as he passes them... and gets me up to let him out..... and then I get back in bed and not 20 minutes later maybe even sooner.... I hear little children awake...ugh!!!!!!!! so we say.. go back to bed..... then I am almost asleep again and I hear another noise..its the dog... laying on the midway stair..he is just so big and so when he layed down it was a huge thump against the wall.. so I go to check thinking again a child is up.... and when the dog see's me.. he decided to come sleep in my room... between him and my husband BREATHING *because I am frustrated at this point* I couldn't sleep all the noise...      and so my morning was shot.... I hate it when I can't sleep and being woken after fallen asleep....

anyhow.... happy to see my children are doing well. Hoping my other daughter and her husband can find a job now..... :)  Then all will be right for us.... 

A rough year

  I am worried this year is going to be rough....   I kinda felt that way when it started and its turning out to be true..... My sister in law has cancer.... she has the most amazing attitude.... She truly shows faith that she is going to win and kick CANCERS BUTT! But every time I hear the latest findings and news...I am left with I wonder how long we really have with her... Its stage 4.. its everywhere.  I also feel like when she leaves my Father in Law is just going to follow suit.... His wife died 3 years ago to cancer and now his daughter.... I can see him just giving up. you know how you hear people dying of a broken heart... It will be him.... I am not kidding.... Just trying to prepare......

 I hurt for my husband...> His whole life he has tried to be close with his family ... we live here because of them... and year after year we really still feel we are not as close as we would like to be. My husband goes to visit his sister while she isn't well... He tries to have a conversation with her and she just wants to watch tv.... giving him a  couple glimpses here and there and nods her head..... yes.. or acts interested.. Its times like this that breaks my heart for my husband.....   He is broken that all these years living here hasn't brought us as close as we had hoped and now she is dying.     

I know his pain.... I do... I have a sister who is dead and one parent as well. I know his pain all too well and this morning as we cuddled I cried for my husband... for the pain he is about to endure and feel....  The many questions of WHY?  and all that is about to follow....  crazy.  She is so young...          with children that still need her here... and all we can do is try to have Faith that God knows what is best..... 

We also are struggling with watching our children struggle in life. Just trying to get started and make it... things are so financially tight everywhere... Finding a job is a huge blessing and keeping one is even bigger.... and I want so badly to know my children who are married are all going to be ok... That they can find secure jobs and make it... THRIVE and be happy....   Right now...t hey are all struggling and it is a heavy weight on my heart and mind....

I know my husband and I never struggled so much as our children are.... We were well off newlyweds... He was already in the Navy.. making a great income. We had insurance.... we had bought our first apt... a month early and went yard selling collecting things for our home to be since we dated and knew we were meant to be.... we did that even with our children's things... buying way in advance things we wanted for our babies and children.... so when the time came we had what we needed......     We were so blessed..... I just want those same blessings for my children.

I wish I were rich.... so I could help so many struggling financially... I wish we could have our own successful company and work for ourselves hiring our children and friends who need an income.... and good job......          


A lot is on my mind this morning...  Sadness is in my heart.... I feel we have some trials of heart ache ahead.